A Celebration

On Nov. 13, 2007, the Centre for Christian Studies announced the names of two recipients who will be named "Companions of the Centre" this coming spring. Only recently has Shelley given me permission to post her citation on our blog so, while she is napping following a trek out to church this morning (and without opportunity to change her mind), it is my joy to share with you the following:

The Centre for Christian Studies
2008 Companion of the Centre Co-awardees are

Shelley Davis Finson
Feminist, Adult Educator, CCS graduate and former Academic staff

and

Ken DeLisle
Diaconal Minister, Advocate for those on the margins


to be conferred at the 2008 Annual Service of Celebration
April 6, 2008, 3:00 pm CST
at St. Matthew’s Anglican Church, Winnipeg
and across the country via a telephone link up

Shelley Davis Finson

Shelley Finson was the prime mover of the Canadian Christian Feminist movement through her coordination of the Movement for Christian Feminism. She opened eyes, raised consciousness and called women to action. Although she was perceived as too radical by many in the institutional church, she served on the national United Church Task Force on Men and Women and through that work and her myriad of other influences and undertakings she profoundly shaped the United Church. Indeed she holds a place in the church and feminist halls of fame for all of North America. She supported women across Canada in their struggles against sexism and introduced them to feminist theologians around the world.

Shelley has also had a remarkable influence on theological education. She served on the CCS Academic staff from 1978 to 1985 as the Director of Field Education where she worked with both the students in the program and the many field supervisors who were then part of the program. She was said to have “put them through their paces”, developing local educators throughout parishes and congregations. She was active in the North American Association of Theological Field Educators. After leaving the Academic Staff of CCS she was Professor in Pastoral Theology at the Atlantic School of Theology. She continued in association with CCS through her years in Halifax in many ways. In 2002 she became a member of the CCS Program Committee, providing excellent leadership in the development of many policies and program developments, seeing through a major program review and revision. She also served on the national United Church Education for Church Leadership Coordinating Committee and several of its task groups, where she was an advocate for diaconal ministry and perspective, for CCS and for experiential and praxis education.

Shelley is a remarkable mentor for many, many people. She is a gifted facilitator, a wonderfully compassionate teacher, a critical and analytical thinker, a committed and articulate Christian. She has a clear and vital passion for a vision in which God’s fullness is known for all and she does not shy from her determination to work out of that passion. She does not mince words in the face of inequality and injustice. She is an advocate of the disempowered and a voice for the voiceless. She will speak truth to power, despite the discomfort of that action, and she does it with courage and above all with a genuine, deep and wonderful humour.

Shelley became a student at CCS in the fall of 1962 and graduated in 1964. She was commissioned by the United Church as a Deaconess in 1965. After completing her MDiv she was ordained.

Shelley has numerous degrees: Bachelor of Arts (B.A.), Masters of Religious Education (M.R.E.), Diploma in Christian Education Centre for Christian Studies, Master of Social Work, Doctor of Ministry (D.Min) and an Honorary Doctorate - United Theological College, McGill University. Shelley is widely published.

Shelley was born in England, south of London, spent three years in Jamaica and arrived in Canada in 1956 and made her home in Toronto. Later she moved to Halifax, where she has retired. She lives there with her partner, Diane Tingley.

Shelley has pancreatic cancer and is in palliative care. The presentation of her award is planned for April, 2008, but may need to be adjusted in response to her health.

Caught her in the dishpan!

Obviously, my love is desperate for things to do on a snowy day!

Pulling up our blog-socks!

Recently, we had a tea with friends who reminded us that we haven't been diligent in updating our blog. That reminder has echoed a few times from others of you who've also indicated an interest in our "same ole, same ole" lives . Thanks for the encouragement! We will try to pull up our blog-socks in the New Year.

Before Christmas, we braved the Mall to get some outfits for Shelley. Over the while, with the weight loss, came the reality that nothing fits although, being off chemo the past two weeks, Shelley's weight has increased by at least 2lbs.

We had a very fine Christmas and Box Day with friends at their cottage in Malagash. Along with great food, conversation, and warmth from the heat of the cozy wood stove, we were treated to an incredible morning sunrise to add to the highlights! Thanks friends!

Prior to Christmas, two friends came by to take us out for a wonderful evening drive to view the Christmas lights. Although there were some extraordinarily beautiful lights, we were wondering if folk were cutting back on the number displayed this year perhaps for ecological reasons?

We have had some splendid lunches out – one at Brightwood Golf Club, another at Jane’s on the Commons as well as with friends in their homes. We have been thoroughly spoiled with Christmas goodies as well as delighted to be able to make some cookies to share with friends when they come by for tea.

Some big news is that Shelley's three siblings, Janette, Thomas, and William, arrive from Jamaica on January 4 and will be staying until January 8th. Sure hope they rustle up adequate winter clothes! Likely, they will stay at the Lord Nelson Hotel. We're really excited about seeing them and quite moved that they would make the trek here in the cold and snowy month of January.

This Monday (the 31st), Shelley has a CT Scan. She will get the results when she sees her oncologist on the 7th to begin a new cycle of chemo. At that time, we will have the discussion about whether or not to continue with chemo. Life has been so much better this past while without GB hanging around!

We have not sent Christmas cards this year nor given gifts, except to the grandchildren. We’ve left it to emails and this blog to wish you all the very best of the Season. We also want to extend our gratitude to you for all of the good wishes that came our way.

Once again, we are expecting another winter storm – more snow this month than all of last year. Hopefully, a January Chinook is on the way for the visit with my Jamaican family!

Christmas Greetings

Christmas greetings friends!

As we wend our way through Christmas 2007, this year, we find the meaning of Christmas in the image of "birthing." Christmas, for us, represents birth! It reminds us that, for good or for ill, everyone gives birth; birth to ideas, relationships, feelings, and actions.

Christmas provokes! She demands the birth of all things good! When tempted to succumb to life's challenges, Christmas rattles our bones! We give thanks for her insistent return and call. She animates. She tells us again and again of individual and collective possibility.

This year, Christmas wraps herself in beauty and sadness, hope and anxiety. Amidst her entourage of caring ones, both family and friends, she brings the wonder (!) of "awe" and the wonder (?) of "how" we will wend our way. In all things, Christmas brings assurance. We welcome her and give thanks for her presence in our lives and world.

Wishing each of you a provocative Christmas; one that issues forth in a multitude of wonderful births!

With love, Diane and Shelley

F.Y.I.

Here are more of your movie suggestions - with thanks!

Bringing Down the House; Spellbound; Word Play; Driving Lessons (U.K.); A Mighty Wind; For Your Consideration; Turtle Diary; Truly, Madly, Deeply; Fly Away Home; Mona Lisa Smile; Casablanca; Pursuit of Happiness; Avenue Montaigne; Dresser; 84 Charing Cross Road; Sarah, Plain and Tall; Millions; Waiting for Gruffman; Dear Frankie; Second Hand Lion; Milagro Beanfield War; A Prairie Companion - Meryl and Lily; Greenfingers; Keeping up with the Steins; Homecoming; Legally Blonde; Miss Potter; Kinky Boots; Company of Strangers; Chocolat.

Christmas Ambience at the TinFins!

We've just returned from a two day retreat at White Point Lodge. As always, it was enjoyable to be away, but it is was also nice to return home.

The days following chemo this week were a little kinder. The extra anti-nausea I.V drugs seemed to have made a difference. I still deal with the occasional nausea, have times when I lose my supper, and have an ongoing struggle with lack of appetite. Hopefully, these things will lessen over the next three weeks.

Enroute home, we stalked up in preparation for an impending snow storm - lots of chips/treats and five of your recommended movies! Looking forward to being cozy and warm and entertained!

Movie Recommendations

Thank you for your responses! Just in case you have your own video nights, here are your suggestions:

The Holiday; Fifty First Dates; Amazing Mrs. Pritchard; Enchanted; Ratatoui; Polar Express; Waking Ned Divine; Modern Times; The Gold Rush; The Grand Seduction; The Producers (Mostrel); Nine to Five; To Be or Not to Be (Jack Benny Version); Monsoon Wedding; The Russians are Coming; The Full Monty; The Man in the White Suit; Big Night; Keeping Mum; Saving Grace; Central Station; Everything is Illuminated; Enchanted April; Big Night; Brothers and Sisters; Company of Strangers; Best in Show; Calendar Girls.

We are looking forward to checking some of them out!

This day hasn't been one of the top 10 which is somewhat disappointing as Fridays are usually better.

A bright spot in the day, however, was a visit from long-time friend from NFLD, Carolyn Emerson.

Any Recommendations?

In the days following chemo, we often rent movies. We are always on the look-out for recommendations for light, uplifting, or comedy movies and we just got the brainwave to ask for your suggestions. If you have any, we would love to hear from you at Shelley's email address: sfinson@eastlink.ca .

Improvement

It's mid week and I'm beginning to feel much better. During the latter half of the week, I now venture out to do the odd errand with Diane, look forward to those occasions when I have lunch or tea out with friends or they come here for lunch or tea with us. Being able to maintain connection and community in this way is a real joy for me.

Stormy Weather All Around

Shelley had two dates yesterday; in the morning she met with GB; in the evening and through the night she met with the toilet. We are always grateful when Tuesday arrives in hopes that her dates will include dry toast, weak tea, maybe some broth and a soft boiled egg. The weather in Halifax provided suitable accompaniment for her dates - snow, rain, thunderstorm in the early morning hours, and sufficient gale force winds to blow curb side garbage bags across the crescent and down one bird-feeder. However, after a long night, the white blanket that now covers this part of creation with its stunning beauty does lighten our spirits.

Quick Check-in

Nothing untoward to report - just ongoing life with the everyday symptomatic impact of the journey. However, life is made richer by the presence of friends who visit and who keep in touch with us.

We have been thinking about how we will enter the Christmas season this year; a season which evokes lots of feelings for us. We hope to make it a gentle one.

Chemo Day

Chemo day today and so far so good. Saw Dr. Doreen who plans to schedule a CT Scan for early in the new year. Shelley is taking a break from treatments from Dec. 17 to Jan. 7 and looks forward to Christmas without GB.

Dr. Doreen thought she "looked well" but is a little concerned about the continued weight loss and hopes that will stabilize soon.

Rain and high winds are forecast for tonight and tomorrow. Glad we have no plans to be out until Wednesday!

Just To Let You Know

I had a somewhat uncomfortable night, a quiet restful day in bed, but I'm feeling quite a bit better tonight.

Thanks for holding me through all this!

On The Other Side!

We headed to the hospital at 8:45 this morning for Shelley's procedure and returned home at 3:45. She is now the proud owner of a (permanent) "Wallstent RX Biliary Endoprosthesis!

In the early stages of the procedure, the drugs did not quite do their job resulting in Shelley "assisting the medical team" through several attempts at pulling her tubes out early. The team, however, was quick to offer her more "happy juice." When "second rounds" were still not enough, they offered her "thirds." That is by way of saying that Shelley is now sound asleep in her own bed and will likely be in that state until this time tomorrow.

Presently, she has a bit of a temperature which will need to be monitored throughout the night to make certain it doesn't rise above 38. Should that happen, we will need to, once again, acquaint ourselves with Emerg. However, there are no intentions in this household to fill our bed-sitting-room with any more paramedic guests however nice they might be!

With gratitude and relief to be on the other side of our stint with the stent! Praise be!

A Pleasant Surprise

I was pleasantly surprised that the consequences, following Chemo on Tuesday, have been minimal. Although I lost my breakfast this morning, I didn't experience vomiting/nausea on the day of or the day following my encounter with GB. I now dare to hope that we might be getting use to each other!

My time with my brother was joy-filled and, of course, I was sad to see him leave. He and Barbara visited each of the eight days they were here and are now safely ensconced back home in Paignton,England.

I am looking forward to a break from Chemo next week but need to summon my courage, once again, to face another Stent procedure. At least once this one is over, I won't have to worry about it again.

Today I decided to begin a walking regime, at least while the weather holds. Its 13 degrees outside with light showers. Walking does not exactly provide the high of running but I am conscious of the need to get more exercise and this might be a way to accomplish that.

It has been a delight to be able to see friends for short visits and we hope this can continue. We are celebrating more good days and, should you not find an update on the blog, you can assume that we are doing o.k.

A Joyous Time

As evidenced by the joy caught on camera, you can see how the visit between brother and sister is unfolding.

Today was Shelley's first "good" day since Monday's Chemo. We made the best of it including supper out (with Brian and Barb) in a near by family restaurant and staying up "late" too! Didn't climb into bed until 7:30!

Noel's Arrival/Our Departure

When "Noel" arrived this weekend taking our power in his wake, we decided to find warmer space and thus spent the night at the Lord Nelson Hotel downtown. Yesterday afternoon, upon our return home, we gave thanks for the return of heat and lights!

Shelley's brother arrived yesterday (a wonderful treat for both of them!) but Gemcitabine also kept her appointment continuing to create havoc for a few days. As in past encounters, Shelley's Monday and Tuesday has been/is filled with major nausea and some vomiting.

Here's looking forward to Thursday and beyond.

A Good Day!

Greeting grandchildren, Leah (Salt) and Holly (Sugar) with their friend Abbie (Pepper), on their way Trick or Treating.

All in all, a good day today!

Fair to Middling

I have been upchucking some since the Chemo but nowhere near as symptomatic as last round. I am learning some things about how to control it – primarily “do not move quickly and do not over do things” – quite the challenge for me for sure.

Happily, we are gearing up for my Brother and Sister-in-law’s visit next week. They arrive from England on Monday, so likely the visiting will not really begin until Wednesday – but we shall see.

Saw the surgeon this morning who is replacing my 'temporary' Stent with a permanent one on November 20^th.

Hope the evening holds only treats for you without any tricks.

I am looking forward to a gentle end of the week and hope it is there for me.

Back on Track

On the steps of Blomindon Inn after a cherished two days in the Valley!

Home from Chemo and hopeful.

Taking Respite

Good to be home once again.

We are taking space this weekend just to be together. We will be in touch next week to let you know how the chemo goes following Monday's appointment.

Thanks for the contiuning support. You are an amazing bunch of friends and family!

The Wolff is Gone!

Shelley went off for her procedure at 9 this morning and returned to her room at 1:45. For the next three hours she lay perfectly still to prevent bleeding at the site where the probes entered her body. When I left her tonight, she had finished her supper and was getting ready for a good night's sleep. The doctors were pleased with their success in finding the aberrant pathway and in stopping the Wolff in his tracks. Mr. Wolff and Shelley have now parted company!

When I arrived home, a message was on our answering machine advising Shell that she has an appointment with her Oncologist at 8:30 Monday morning with chemo to follow. A burning of the heart one day and Chemo 4 days later! Absolutely amazing! What a wonder-full world in which we live!

Re-booting

Shelley had a heart-stopping experience this morning when the Wolff decided to dance across her heart again, but her doctor was in quick pursuit with "Adenosine" at his side. Although the drug Adenosine stops the heart for a second, it worked in 10 seconds flat. We decided the experience was akin to re-booting a computer. I'm not sure that my own heart has settled down yet from being present to the procedure. I/we will be mightily relieved when she is on the other side of her ablation TOMORROW.

Yes, Shelley is the first one on the list tomorrow which means she heads off for her procedure around 7:30 A. M.

With thanks for holding her through this night and tomorrow!

Fasting is Over

Shelley just got the word that she is not having the procedure done today.

Impending Procedure

Shelley will be put on a fast at midnight for "possible" but "improbable" surgery tomorrow. The doctor, who is to perform the surgery, returns tomorrow from a Conference in Montreal and "might" be able to fit her into his schedule. She is on an "emergency" list which means she will be "fitted in" between patients who are already scheduled for surgery on an outpatient basis. If space doesn't open up tomorrow, she'll continue to be a "lady in waiting" until space does open up....Thursday, Friday or the following week. It is difficult for the doctors to give an accurate prediction of when they can fit Shelley in as it all depends on how the scheduled surgeries unfold tomorrow - ie. they could take as little as 3 or 4 hours or, if things don't go well, they could involve a much longer time.

Shelly is receiving excellent care, feels quite well, almost enjoys the hospital food (or more to the point, enjoys the fact that she has an appetite and wants to eat), has convinced one of the nurses to start running (has even set up a program for her), chats up anyone within her purview, and walks the halls of the wing whenever the opportunity arises. She is generally feeling quite well and anxious to have the surgery behind her.

A blessing of the week is that Shelley's nurse (the one she's convinced to start running) underwent this procedure a few years ago herself, so they now have a little support group going!

Someone asked us today what "to convert" meant in the midst of a WPW attack. When Shelley's heart drops instantly from 150 to 62 (for example), it indicates that her heart has converted and her normal pathway is functioning once again. Who knew that conversion of the heart held so many meanings!

A long night!

Last night at 11 o'clock, Shelley had another WPW episode which did not "covert" until 11:00 this morning. It seems the Wolff was determined to have one long, last dance.

When we know the specifics of the surgery (ie. date/time etc.), we will let you know so that, as the time draws closer, you can hold her in your thoughts and prayers.

Closing in on the Wolff

Shelley has been "handed over" to Cardiology's "Electrical Specialist Team" who plan surgery for her as early as this coming Wednesday or Thursday or, at the latest, the following week. Until then, they will keep her in hospital. She will be awake for the 4 to 5 hour procedure. A probe will be inserted through her groin area which will then find its way to her heart. After the doctors bait the Wolff into an appearance, the Wolff will be stopped in his tracks. A small portion of Shelley's heart will be burned and thus prevent Wolff from ever appearing again.

This surgery has a 95% success rate and a 1% possibility of serious complications. It is Shelley's decision to go forward with the surgery and, of course, we are both looking forward to being on the other side of it. Success would mean that Shelley will be out of the hospital the next day and able to resume her regular life - ie. get back on track for Chemo. What a regular life!!!

Shelley was delighted to receive visitors from Toronto today as her long time friend, Gwyn, and Gwyn's partner, Nan, flew into Halifax this morning to visit her. They have brought a bright spot into an otherwise fairly heavy weekend.

Tomorrow, Bedford United is having a service to celebrate my three years of ministry with them. The service(s) will also provide opportunity for closure of our pastoral relationship. Earlier this fall, when I asked to be the speaker for the service(s), I had not bargained on the Wolff trying to make life difficult for me as well. Aside from getting a (hoped for) night's sleep tonight, I've got my reflection together and I'm ready to go! So the miserable ole Wolff can just put that in his pipe and smoke it!

A New Man in Shelley's Life!

After 19 hours on a gurney in the ER, Shelley was quite amenable to the news that she would be sharing a room with a person of the male persuasion. Let's hope they don't start talking theology!

Presently, she is attached to a small monitor whose main function is to sleuth out any signs of Wolff hanging around. Propafenone (the new drug that needs monitoring) has also been enlisted to discourage Wolff from rearing his head. For the next while, Shelley will be confined to her bed. Over the weekend, plans are in place for a series of tests to give cardiology a broader picture of her "heart-happenings." Once the investigations are complete, then decisions will be made about how to go forward.

While sometimes we wonder if GB and Wolff might be in a conspiracy, we continue to move forward in faith, hope, and trust - and with gratitude for the many ways we are being held by all of you!

No Room in the Inn

Because there isn't a bed in the Cardiology wing tonight, Shelley is counting sheep in cubical 17 at the ER. Yes, the Wolff reared its ugly head again at 8:15 tonight. Tomorrow she will be transferred to the Infirmary (the new building of the QE11) in order for Cardiology to have a good look at her and determine the best way forward.

Some of you have indicated that you are not yet clear on what Wolff Parkinson White syndrome is (WPW), so I'll attempt a short description. Its name comes from the three people who discovered the syndrome (ie. it is not related to Parkinson's disease). Essentially, all of a sudden her heart begins to beat very rapidly. Thus far, when she's having an episode, her pulse rate peaks around 170 beats per minute. While most of us were born with one pathway responsible for heart impulses that send the blood on its way, Shelley was born with an accessory pathway as well. Something over the past two months has triggered the accessory pathway to kick in, which means the impulses don't travel through all the heart's chambers and the result is a rapid heart rate. Drugs can sometimes control WPW and there is also a surgical procedure that could stop the abnormal circuit from functioning but, given that Shelley has pancreatic cancer and is on chemo, we are not sure what the doctors are prepared to do. What I know is that Shelley is not prepared to live on the end of such a short tether and is determined to deal with the Wolff in whatever way opens up for her.

The resident cardiologist, who saw Shelley tonight, said that he would recommend a new drug be tried tomorrow, one that required a hospital stay in order for it to be monitored. He envisions that a stress test would be lined up for her on Saturday but his last words were, "When you get on the floor, they may have other ideas for you!" Her own cardiologist has been away all week but, because he is held in high regard, I expect she will get the best of care in his absence.

Hopefully the Wolff can be tamed!

Enjoying Creation's Beauty

Our first trip out of the city in many, many weeks! Peggy's Cove embraced us with warmth, sunshine, inspiring waters and several bus loads of American tourists! :-) We took a few steps toward the lighthouse but didn't go any further - yet, what a treat for us!

In the second picture, Ann (who spends regular time with us during the week) and Shelley are sorting through books that will be given to the Center for Christian Studies in Winnipeg where Shelley taught(when the Center was in Toronto) for nine years. Shelley has been associated with the Center since 1962 when she first was a student there.

Stars on Grey's Anatomy!

We've become so familiar with ambulances and ERs, rumors are afoot that Grey's Anatomy may soon ask us to join their cast! Stay tuned.

Despite the Wolf howling at our door again last night, I awoke this morning feeling well and ready to meet the day.

Regretfully, the new strategy for WPW episodes doesn't work. Last night, three drugs were administered (one at home and two in hospital) before my heart settled. Now it's back to square one and another consult with the cardiologist to know "where to from here?."

How's the Day Going?

A picture's worth a thousand words!

"And So?"

Over the course of this journey, I’ve been blessed to receive a number of symbolic gifts from past students. One student was recently inspired to create the painting (to your left) titled "And So?" by the provocative question still resonating within her some 23 years after graduating from the Center for Christian Studies. The artist, Mary McHarg (formerly Vipond), who now resides in Toronto, has given permission to post the painting and says, “The painting is about attitude rather than any likeness!” (just in case you were wondering!)

Then, a friend sent us a poem that caused us to ponder anew our recent experience. For us, the poem seems to be in dialogue with the question, "And So?" We've included the poem for you.

MY HEART IS SO SMALL

My heart is so small
it's almost invisible.
How can You place
such big sorrows in it?

"Look," God answered,
"your eyes are even smaller,
yet they behold the world."

Rumi, the Sufi poet of love

A Rainbow in the Rain

Yet another joyous return to my home! Wonderful to be back in the midst of our own stuff! I'm feeling significantly better today, 8/10. One of the first things I did when I got home was talk to my brother in England. Diane caught the conversation on camera.

Oncology has given me a break from the Chemo for another week for which I am very grateful! A new intervention is in place should another episode of WPW occur and I've been taken off a drug that might have triggered the episodes.

Have a wonderful weekend and we'll try to do the same!

The Singing Patient!

After being away for five minutes, when I came down the hall toward Shelley's room at supper time, I could hear her wonderful voice singing grace. I think that the butter on her tray was the motivation of this spontaneous outburst, for when she spied it on her tray she saw within it great hope of making her potatoes more palatable. Yes, she is now back to "real" food (however "real" hospital food can be) without the accompanying nausea. She has also parted ways with her I.V. pole.

Shelley's well-being continues to climb upwards. Today she was 5.5/10! She still awaits Cardiology's assessment re: drugs, interactions, Chemo and WPW, while Oncology and Palliative care teams "wait and see" how the withdrawal of one drug and the re-introduction of food impact her system.

All in all, a pretty good day!

C T Scan Results

The C T Scan revealed some increase in size of the pancreatic tumor, new spots on the liver and some fluid build up in Shelley's abdomen and on her right side. It is too soon for the chemo to have an effect, but these are evident changes since her last scan in July.

Aside from stopping Shelley's back pain medication tonight because "it may have contributed to her WPW episodes," and giving her a very low steroid dose, the doctors have not yet readjusted her meds to address the nausea that still hovers around the edges. They are still in "consulting mode" because so many of the drugs they might consider as replacements are problematic for WPW syndrome. Cardiology is only "peripherally" involved in the discussions and Oncology wants to have "more direct conversations" before going forward with any other changes.

Monday, Shelley was 1/10 in her sense of well-being. Tuesday she was 2.5/10. Today she was 3.5-4/10 so is moving in the right direction. She is now on a full fluid diet that, so far, she has been able to keep down.

A little improvement

Shelley experienced a "little" improvement today but the doctors are waiting until after her cat scan tomorrow morning before serving up their collective wisdom. She is not fond of claustrophobic experiences so please send her some positive energy at 8:30 tomorrow morning as she gets ready to meet the cat.

Mechanical Cats and terrorizing Wolfs....Grrrrrrrrrr!

Rocky Road

My love is presently checking out the decor of the Oncology wing at the Victoria General. She is ensconced in a private room and awaiting tomorrow when those who have been overseeing her care return to work. The hope of her admission is to determine the cause of her ongoing nausea, provide a cat-scan, and reassess her medications. Hopefully cardiology will also be involved.

Her welcome mat for visitors will not be out until she is more stable and feeling better. Unfortunately, as flowers are not permitted in that area of the hospital, the decor of 8a leaves a little to be desired. However, the staff more than make up for lack of nature's beauty and color.

The last few days have been hard so it is a relief to both of us that she is receiving the kind of care that only the hospital can provide. It is also a relief that the medical pooh bears will be casting their eyes over her progress or lack thereof.

Thanksgiving Sunday

Another episode of WPW necessitated a third trip to the Emergency. Hopefully, we can arrange to see Shell's cardiologist in the near future to see if there are other ways of keeping WPW in check. It's exhausting for her, not to mention our concern over the many germs that fill ERs.

We will also ask the Palliative Dr. for a reassessment of her meds because of her ongoing nausea.

She just said to tell you that, "I'm sipping on a "delicious" cup of tea and very glad to be home."

Gravol through her I.V. will no doubt help her to sleep well tonight.

Some Musings

Today we anticipated joining friends in a celebration. However, events of last evening and this morning (nausea, vomiting and dizziness) have made the trip an impossibility. As we lay in bed reflecting on our circumstance and greeting the day, some musings, that we decided to share with you, came to the fore.

1.) Kindness does not exist if suffering comes that we might learn from it. We don't believe that we are given suffering in order to learn something, in order to grow or to evolve. Suffering is just part of the reality of being human and living within an "incomplete creation." That is all! Who wants to live in a universe or with a god that would include violence as an aid for learning. Not us!

2.) Among other things, assaults that cause suffering in beautifully created and healthy bodies include experiences of extreme pain, extreme tiredness, and constant nausea; experiences that add brokenness and disconnection to an already hurting world.

3.) Simple acts of kindness from caring friends and family continuously fill depleting wells of aching souls.

4.) Hope often needs to be reconfigured in order to fit changing realities.

5.) When the road is cluttered with obstacles that block our way to hope's possibility, sometimes we are just grateful that we can find the road to hope.

6.) Hope has been found within the cradle of some words from Isaiah, "Do not be afraid. Behold, I am about to create a new thing." Already, in our lived experience, we know the power of these words through the presence of caring ones who willingly join us on our Emmaus walk and share our burdens so we might lift our heads to see new horizons.

7.) Positive energy, thoughts and prayers can be sustaining.

8.) Gratitude deepens for small things that often become larger in meaning.

9.) When one door shuts, often a crowbar and several friends are required to open another door.

10.) What does it take for us to arrive at hope? A listening ear; persistence; and refusal to stay in disappointment or be defined by our circumstances.

Proof!

It's true, she really did the blog entry! :-)

First time up since Monday!

This is my first go at writing on the blog in quite some time. We usually talk about what Diane's going to post but she is the one who has had the energy it takes to keeping you abreast of the happenings in our journey.

Today I am feeling quite a bit better. The encounter with the W.P.W. really took a toll again. We have a new strategy to deal with it should another event happen.

It is glorious in Halifax today. We were just out on the top deck having lunch - 25 degrees! We are hoping to make a short excursion to the country tomorrow to celebrate the marriage of friends who have been partners for 40 years. Here is hoping I have energy enough to be there to participate in their joy.

Wishing all of you a blessed Thanksgiving!!!

Love
Shelley (and me too! - Diane)

A Big Day!

After WPW (Wolf Parkinson White syndrome) reared its head yesterday afternoon, (significantly dropping Shelley's blood pressure and elevating her pulse rate), Shelley had another luxurious ride via amulance to Emerg. Metropolol I. V. did the trick, settling everything down, but they love her face at Emerg so much (you really CAN'T be 71!), they wanted to keep her there for the evening. We arrived home around 11:30 and, with gratitude to the Red Cross for their hospital bed now in our study, she tucked herself under the covers for a good night's sleep.

We are expecting, demanding, and insisting on a good day today and are determined to make it so!

Third Date

Shelley "fell asleep" during her date with GB this morning; a sign they are becoming more comfortable with each other. Last week was a very "sleepy" week for Shelley. Some energy began to return yesterday but, once again, she is seeking solace beneath the duvet. She is looking forward to life without GB over the next couple of weeks. Her next date isn't until Oct. 15. Whoopee!

Moments in the Journey

Three pictures for you: a "big" conversation with Rachel and Lucas (grandchildren) earlier this month who are with their mom; friend Leah - who comes regularly with the gift of healing massage; and a morning in bed with tea and the newspaper.

A Fair Day!

Although yesterday was not a top 10 day, some vomiting and huge tiredness, today has been a fairly good day. This afternoon we were out of the house for three hours in order for Shelley to have a "Wall-Motion Test" that was ordered by her cardiologist to assess the strength of her heart. Last week she had to postpone the test so we are encouraged by her ability to get out. She is also able to take in more nourishment, so that too is good!

Dance Lessons

Although it is a sleepy day today, nausea has not shown its face!

A friend recently sent us a poem and, in it, we read, "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. Life is about learning to dance in the rain." We are doing our dogged best to learn the new dance steps and are quite grateful that GB has (so far) refrained from stepping on our toes during Monday's and Tuesday's dance lessons!

Last night we opened an old e-card sent from one of you and a virus tried to get into our system. We quickly shut down the computer and invited our "Computer Guy" friend over to check the system (thanks Ted!). All is well but we thought we should let you know that we won't be opening anymore e-cards any time soon.

By the way, over the weekend friends counted the cards on our bed-sitting room walls. To date the count stands at 187! What a lot of wonderful energy surrounding us!!! How blessed we are by the care and concern that comes to us in countless ways! With profound gratitude to all of you for being present in our lives!

2nd Encounter

Just returned from the second chemo treatment. GB showed her softer side today - no stinging or burning during the encounter. We like this side of GB and hope she isn't being passive/aggressive. Will wait and see what the day brings!

A better day!

After a good night's sleep, Shelley greeted the morning with a desire for porridge and, as the day unfolded, her deep desire for constant sleep abated. Our wonderful palliative nurse (Monica), who keeps a close check on Shell, phoned last evening and "thought it would be a good idea to check Shelley's blood work today" so contacted the doctor who issued a requisition for the V.O.N. to draw blood when they were here for their regular visit this afternoon. Monica wanted to "double check" that her need to sleep, her times of disorientation, and her dizziness, weren't problems related to her electrolytes.

At this point, Chemo is still a go Monday morning unless Shelley feels too unwell Sunday night to go forward. In that case, it will be postponed until the following Monday. However, my courageous partner fully intends to be well enough for her second date with GB. This time she will be exposed to 15% less of her and be given I. V. nausea meds before their encounter. The brutal sides effects of G.B. mystify the medical folks who say "Shelley is unique." And? So? What's new you may ask!

Some progress

First ten minutes outdoors since Monday! I'm taking in a bit more food, have a little more energy, but am still sleeping most of the day.

Yeah!

Shelley had 1/2 cup of Chicken broth and 2 teaspoons of ice-cream for supper that stayed down! Although the day began with her head in the toilet, the nausea now seems to have subsided. Here's hoping the breakfast order is porridge! Might as well think big! :-)

Still looking for the "Better Tomorrow"

The afternoon was spent at the Cancer Clinic receiving intravenous re-hydration and nausea medication. GB is not showing her best side yet!

The Day After

I am feeling wretched – well at about 5 out of 10. Tomorrow is supposed to be a better day so I am off to bed in order to greet tomorrow as soon as possible.

First Chemo

In Shelley's words: "I had chemo this morning and they're absolutely right, you can feel quite crappy afterwards - nausea, chills and a real desire to be cuddled up in a warm bed. I will check in again when I'm on the other side of this, hopefully in a day or two.

Clarification

Sorry, I think we confused some of you yesterday. Shelley will be going forward with GB chemo treatment on Monday (any chemo has a 50/50 risk of triggering another WPW attack but our cardiologist now has intervention measures in place should one occur) and, when all is sorted out, Nortryptline will be replaced by another effective nerve pain medication. Although it may have worn off eventually, the side-effects of Nortryptline have left Shelley with continuous and incredible drowsiness and reduces her ability to stay focused. She is not pleased with this turn in events and is hoping that its replacement (perhaps by Monday) will enable her to stay more alert so that she can get on with the many projects she has lined up for us.

Cardiologist Consult

At our visit with the cardiologist (Dr. Howlett) this morning, we learned that Gemcitabine (we call her by her longer name when we are perturbed with her) doesn't get along well with W.P.W. (Wolf Parkinson White Syndrome) and there is a 50/50 chance of additional heart fibrillations because of her presence in Shelley's life. Sometimes relationships can be trying and choices need to be made. Corrective surgery could be done on Shelley's heart to stop the attacks but both she and the cardiologist feel that chemo treatment is the first priority. The cardiologist also said that Gemcitabine is not fond of Nortryptline (Shelley's new and "seemingly" effective pain medication), so consults are already afoot in search of other companions to suit Gemcitabine's demanding nature!

A New Friend

A new friend has come into our lives! Her name is Gemcitabine. We’ve named her GB for short. She’s not terribly charming but, then again, chemo drugs aren’t known for personality! We understand it will require a bit of energy to be her hosts but, in time, we anticipate benefits from the effort. Initially, whenever they encounter each other, GB’s presence might give Shelley the chills and perhaps flu-like experiences for a couple of days, but that should be it as far as any downside to their relationship.

The budding of our friendship with GB begins on Monday, the 17^th, at 11:30 A.M. Shelley will spend time with her for half an hour every Monday morning for three consecutive weeks and then they will take a break from each other the following week. This is to be the planned cycle for their (hopefully) long term relationship. Dr. Doreen will check in to see how the two are making out at the beginning of each 4 week cycle and will likely schedule a CT Scan for the end of October.

The good news of this budding relationship is that time spent with GB is only one day a week. This means that our lives will be minimally disrupted. We’ve also learned that her presence in our lives means that Shelley’s pancreatic “symptoms” should be alleviated to a fair degree and that, perhaps, her tumor might even shrink. However, as Dr. Doreen said, “if you experience your symptoms being alleviated Shelley, we consider that "success" and will ask you to continue befriending GB as long as that is the case.”

We’ve come home tired, relieved, hope-filled, and beginning to make plans.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers especially as we work toward establishing a good relationship with GB in hopes that she will reciprocate! We are constantly strengthened by your care and concern!

New Challenges

(Diane writes) - Dr. Lynn McAslan (our wonderful palliative care doc) and her (also wonderful) nurse, Monica Flinn, spent an hour and a half with us this afternoon. Nerve pain, which unfortunately has made itself known in Shelley's back over the past three days, has become the new challenge for pain management. There are several options that can address this new reality and Shelley is beginning with option number one which, over the past few hours, is revealing itself as "hopeful." The palliative care team will closely monitor her response to the changes over the next couple of days.

Dr. Lynn was extremely pleased with Shelley's physical progress and also with her increased energy level. She was also very hopeful that Dr. Doreen will recommend chemo treatments this Thursday when he sees how well she is doing.

All in all, a mixed past few days with major pain appearing (mostly over 5-6 hours in the morning) and some great walks through the hydrostone area with its "back alleys" (like Shelley's hometown in England) in the afternoon.

Additional Pictures

The first picture is from the study that is presently being re-organized. The second one is of our bed-sitting room.

New Skills

Today is our first attempt at uploading pictures so you can see us and our changed context!

Getting a Rhythm

A quiet and gentle day!

We have just had some time with Quaker friends sitting with them in silence – taking the time to enter into/hold onto the fullness of life.

Our days and nights are beginning to take something of a regular shape which, of course, will be totally shifted if and when the chemo begins in a week or so. In the mean time, we are enjoying the occasional short visit from close friends and even beginning to think about times when friends from Ontario might make jaunts down. All this is somewhat time bound by the course of chemo I will have (says she hopefully!). On that score, I am preparing myself for the oncology assessment this Thursday. I continue to eat well and I’m developing more energy by taking daily “walks”. In addition, my bodily functions are beginning to find a more “normal” pattern. It is quite amazing to hear myself wax on and on about the function of bowels.

Being Sunday (and cheap telephone rates), I had a long conversation with my cousin Doris (in England) who is in her late seventies. It was Doris’ mother (Aunt Thirza) who raised me - so we have some early years when we were, essentially, sisters. The distance is hard for Doris so she continues to search for ways to be in touch. Recently, for instance, she sent me a remarkable card painted by one of her granddaughters that included a tea bag and a picture of people at a tea party. In it was a written invitation, “Would you like to come for tea?”

Because I am feeling much stronger, this is the first day we have not had the V.O.N. drop by to take a pulse rate, blood pressure, and listen for “belly” sounds etc. The service is just amazing! How blessed we are that we live in a country where such a wonderful service is free.

You brief calls, e-mails and signs of your care are dearly cherished.

.

Visit with the Surgeon

Just came in from a walk around the Crescent – about 100 yards. We went to see the surgeon on Wednesday who will see me again in about two months. The Stent seems to be holding. I also had the chance to consult with a doctor in the oncology department who explained to me that, normally, a person needs to wait at least two weeks following the surgical procedure before chemo treatments can begin. I will keep the scheduled appointment with my original Oncologist and see him next Thursday, the 13th. At that time, it will be determined whether or not I have sufficient energy and strength to go forward with chemo. Apparently a person needs LOTS of energy to withstand the initial effects, so I want to start out on a strong foot. My goal then is to gain energy every day so that in a week’s time I will be ready.

Gosh I reall understand the meaning of the phrase "to take one day at a tiime"

Once again, we are working our way into yet another new realty. Returning from the hospital on Saturday gave me an appreciation for those who say "I am all washed up" or "I just ran out of steam". I have never had the experience of Saturday where I managed to get up the stairs and across the floor to the chair but was unable to lift my arms, legs or a cushion once I arrived there. I was completely spent as well as totally parched and in desperate need of water.

The last couple of days we have, once again, been replenishing the larder - water, juice, food, rest etc. - so that I have some reserve for the day. My "recovery" is coming along more quickly than when I first returned home from the hospital one week ago today.

My routine has been to wake up around 5:30 a.m. and head to bed around 7:00 p.m. Each day the Victoria Order of Nurses (V.O.N.) comes to do blood pressure checks etc. The present concern is to get the bowels moving once again. The nausea has disappeared and the pain is well regulated by the drugs. When there is pain, it does seem to be more related to bowel pressure than anything else. Close friends and family have been coming to stay with me while Diane does various errands around town.

We are in the process of putting a bathroom in the study on the ground floor. It is already plumbed for a sink and toilet so it is just a matter of linking stuff up. Today, the Red Cross delivered a hospital bed that will also be in the study/den. It will make it easier for me to rest before heading up to the main floor whenever I arrive home from medical appointments.

I have saved up the energy to make one trip down to the study to do this and hope, with the changes on the ground floor, to be able to come down once a day.

This note came across my lap today - "For all that has been, Thanks.
"To all that shall be, yes. "

Gosh doesn't this life give meaning to "taking it one day at a time"

Gosh doesn

Oops!

Between Shelley's entry and my "helpful?" editing of Friday's blog, we managed to communicate a wrong message to you. The blog and emails continue to be the best ways for keeping in touch with Shelley, not the phone. Calls still require a bit too much energy from her just now. Thanks!

Four Men in the Bedroom

When four men visited us at 5:00 A.M. this morning, they asked Shelley what she thought of having four men in her bedroom. She said, "I don't mind, but my partner might!" Shelley decided to have another 'Wolf Parkinson's White syndrome episode (rapid heart rate) which meant another trip to the hospital - this time enjoying the bumpy ride of an ambulance. All was stabilized within an hour and a half and by nine o'clock we were back in our home. Shelly now has meds to take should she have another episode "to keep the four men out of her bedroom!" :-) So - today is a gentle recovery day for her and one in which we are fondly remembering Sept. 1 twelve years ago when we celebrated our covenanting service in the home of our friend Pam Brown.

Hello - Shelley here!

Hello friends - I won't stay long on this but just wanted to write in this blog myself. Needless to say I am improving on a number of fronts - my energy, appetite, interest in life and enthusiasm to engage. An odd thing is that I have to ask folk to speak quietly when they come into the house. Although it is improving, I find a certain level of noise is quite disconcerting.

A great joy was to be able to talk with Brian and Barbara in England on the Skype programme today and to talk with my sisters Angela and Janette by phone in the evening. This goes along with a few conversations with folk who do not necessarily have the blog or who are checking in. We are still hoping folk will use the blog and e-mail to communicate as well as the phone. We are so lucky to have all this technology to keep us linked.

We are having a day of rain and humidity - the beautiful garden is appreciative.

Thank you to all for your continued care.

Healing Time

It was a busy morning with a visit from the V.O.N. at 9:00 and the Paliative Doc and nurse at 10:45. I'm Shelley's scribe at the moment who is asking me to say to you, "Right now I'm improving and needing to spend time trying to get my health back. The Doctors have said that I may be able to take a trip to England when I get stronger. So friends, I need to take rain checks on visits over the next while so that I can focus on getting well, but I do look forward to the time when I can once again put out the welcome mat.
It is wonderful to be home!"

With Gratitude

I'm home!!!!!!!!

A Set-Back

Last night I was called at 12:30 am. Shelley was experiencing a racing heart and high blood pressure. She had a long night of taking "vitals" every 15 minutes, meds to care for her heart, EKG's etc. It appears that her (until now) non-symptomatic Wolf White Parkinson's Disease was triggered. That has something to do with electrical currents of the heart. All seems to be okay today but now Beta Blockers have been added to her regime of meds. Unfortunately, this has meant another day in the hospital. She is still having difficulty managing the nausea but everyone is determined to help her get home tomorrow even if extra measures need to be put in place to have her nausea managed from here in the ways they are in the hospital. Eg. If a butterfly needs to be put in through which nausea meds can be administered, that can happen.

Kevin (my son) is mowing our lawn and I'm looking for things appetizing to take back to Shelley as she can no longer face the hospital's offering. So I'm off to raid the fridge!

Until tomorrow!

A Better Day

Shelley had a fairly good day today. Her nausea seems to have abated. If she has a good night tonight, she will be sleeping in her own bed by tomorrow this time. (By the way, whatever time the blog indicates I have posted this is not accurate - ie. it is now 11:05 pm). Knowing that we don't have an abundance of energy to host people who might want to come to Halifax to visit Shelley, and there seem to be a fair number of you, a very good friend has forwarded to us a list of B$B's in the area(see below) that we now pass on to you. At this point in her journey, Shelley is slowly walking the hospital halls a couple times a day, and just beginning to be able to read for short periods of time. Her energy and concentration have been quite depleted throughout the week. We are hoping that, as her body is able to take in more food, she will experience an increase in strength and energy.

Halifax B& Bs (3 star or better—all with private bath—except where noted)

Caribou Lodge

6 Armada Drive B3M 1R7

445-5013

4 rms $100-$115

Commons Inn

5780 West Street B3K 1H8

484-3466

41 hotel units $70-$150

www.commonsinn.ca

Fresh Start Bed and Breakfast

2720 Gottingen B3K 3C7

453-6616

8 rooms (2 with private bath)

$90-$125

(Note: Not 3 star but included because of location)

Garden South Park Inn

1263 South Park St. B3J 2K8

492-8577

23 rooms $109-$169

www.gardeninn.ns.ca

Halifax Waverley Inn

1266 Barrington, B3J 1Y9

423-9346

34 rooms $125-$239

Julie’s Walk Bed and Breakfast

17 Julie’s Walk B3M 2Z8

429-5162

3 luxury rooms $115-$189

www.julieswalk.com

Pepperberry Bed and Breakfast

2688 Joseph Howe Drive B3L 4E4

479-1700

5 rooms $140-$250

www.pepperberryinn.com

Virginia Kinfolks

1722 Robie B3H 3E8

800-668-7829

4 suites $100-$175

Welcome Inn Halifax Bed and Breakfast

1984 Connaught Avenue, B3H 4E1

446-6500

3 rooms$105-$175

www.welcomeinnhalifax.com

Surgeon's Visit

We saw Dr. Mulinari this morning who wants to keep Shelley at least one more day. Although she's getting antsy to come home, he's not keen and letting her go until she is doing better with the nausea.

We learned a couple of things this morning. 1.) The stent only has a life span of three months. Dr. M. has rescheduled her for a "replacement stent" at that time. 2.) The chemo will not shrink the tumor but will hopefully prevent it from growing as fast as it would like to. 3.) Dr. M. will phone her oncologist tomorrow to ask if he (Dr. Doreen) will see her sooner than the 13th. Although as Dr. M. says, "I really have no say in what happens but they are usually very good when I make a request."

I am so grateful for this man's "presence" to Shelley/us! He sat on her bedside to talk with her, connected, listened and stayed until he was sure all our questions were answered. Usually the docs who come to see the other patients "stand and talk down to them."

My heart is feeling lighter today because I envision Shelley home soon. I am rearranging our wonderfully large and open "living room"into a bed-sitting-room and will tape all your cards on the walls to remind her of so much love and energy surrounding her!

Stent

With gratitude that Shelley is on the other side of the procedure! She got back to her room at 1:15.

After two hours of trying, Dr. M. was only able to put a very small stent in the duct. It may or may not be sufficient. We will know in a week's time. If the stent doesn't work, she will quickly be admitted through emergency to have a drain inserted. Because of today's extra probing, she will not be having a good day but should be much better by tomorrow.

I came home just to give you the update and I'm now on my way back to the hospital expecting to be there until late tonight.

Thanks for continuing to hold her/us!

Found: One Oncologist!

We finally have a date to confirm that oncologists actually do exist! Shell's appointment is on Sept. 13 - three weeks from today. She has had a fairly good day albeit with ongoing waves of nausea that required (like yesterday) intervenous meds every six hours. That may settle if the Stent procedure (10:30 am tomorrow) is successful. As it takes her a long time to recover from anesthetic, she will be bringing in her "visitors" welcome mat on Friday but will put it back out at the door come Saturday.

With hopes that we will be able to share good news with you by tomorrow afternoon! Today Shelley commented to one of her visitors, "it takes a lot of community to hold courage!" For you, our community, we hold deep gratitude. When our courage wanes, we feel your prayers and energy coming our way and are continuously strengthened and hope-filled.

A Moving Experience!

Today was a moving experience for Shelley! Hallelujah! Her system has been in major distress for a number of days creating lots nausea and pain but relief for her is in the wind - or perhaps I should have said that relief has come with more than the 'wind.' Can you tell I'm a little past weary tonight? Palliative care has been a gift in the mysteries of sorting out dysfunctional systems. Praise be!

Dr. Robert Horton - one of the 5 palliative team doctors was in to see her this morning. We both felt very good about our connection with him. Folk who work in this area seem to have very special spirits!

We are still waiting on 'oncology.' Many in the medical system are now advocating (harassing the department?) on Shelley's behalf so we might hear something by tomorrow.

Other good news of the day is that Shell's options for meals have moved from "would you like green or red jello? to the more bountiful "full liquid diet." We are learning to be grateful for small mercies.

I print all emails that come in while Shell is in hospital and deliver them to her the next day - so your messages are getting through to her. The emails, cards and 'short' visits continue to lift her spirits. My thanks to all of you for "being there!"

A Good Day

Shelley had a fairly good day today! Although still on a clear liquid diet, she is now disconnected from her I.V. and her pain is being managed quite well. She will be staying in the hospital until after the second surgical attempt scheduled for Friday. When we asked Dr. Mulinari this morning why he should have any different results on Friday than yesterday he responded, "we had a hard time finding the "doorway" to the duct but now that we can enter the duct without further prodding and we know the map better, chances of success are greater." We continue to be hopeful.

We had a meeting with paliative care this morning and both are feeling relieved that Shelley now has that resource in place. It means that she will have access to someone 24 hours a day whenever/if ever she is in distress. We are also hoping that she will also see an oncologist while in hospital. One of the blessings of her being admitted is that she has quicker access to resources that seem to take a long time when on the "outside."

A delight in Shelley's day was a call to England to wish her brother a happy 74th birthday today. We joined in chorus to sing "Happy Birthday" to Bryan across the pond!

Shell had numerous visits today and says to let you know that she welcomes lots of visitors and appreciates "short" visits.

Hospital Stay

Just to let you know that Shelley was resting fairly comfortably when I left the hospital at 10:15. She "sent me home" so that I can be "fresh" :-) when I return to nurse duty in the morning.

The resident who saw her at 6:00 said they would be keeping her for the week until Dr. Mulinari makes a second attempt at the Stent. He also promised to make a referral to Paliative Care for us which means access to that resource will be speeded up for which we are grateful.

Although it is a scary time, I think Shelley is grateful to be where she can be monitored more closely until the bruising of the day has subsided. She slept most of the day and evening and hopefully will have a full night of sleep as well.

A blessing of the day is that her day-time nurse is a young woman who was part of my youth group when I was in Stewiacke. I hadn't seen or heard from Mila since those days although out of the blue three years ago she emailed me to tell me how significant that time was for her. Isn't life full of mystery! I'm sure Shelley is getting a little extra T.L.C. because of our earlier connection.

Problems With Stent

Dear Friends - The procedure for the Stent did not go well this morning. Dr. Mulinari tried several times to pass "a wire" through the duct and around the tumor. He also had one of his colleagues make an attempt. Unfortunately, the duct was very constricted by the tumor and the procedure did not work. Because the duct is now irritated and will create MORE pain for her, she is being admitted - at least for the night - so that they can monitor the pain medication she will need. When the duct has had time to recover from this morning's assault, Dr. Mulinari wants to try the procedure again, if not this Friday then on Monday. If the procedure doesn't work the second time, he will need to put a drain through her abdomen to the liver - which would be uncomfortable and unpleasant.

I've come home to pack an overnight bag for her.....Gwen - I will take your prayer shawl to her which I know will bring her warmth and comfort in the sterile hospital environment.

My heart is heavy with this news. As always, we ask and thank you for your prayers and thoughts.

Diane

"Keeping going"

We were away for the weekend at a friend’s cottage; a treat to be able to step off the planet for while – no phone, e-mails and we even avoided the TV. It is odd though, we were both commenting on our way home how good it felt to be heading “home”. At this time of change and unfamiliarity there is something comfortable about being surrounded by the familiar and predictable.

On Friday we saw someone at the clinic and, from that conversation; we think we are getting closer to an appointment with an oncologist. Hopefully, then proceeding with the chemo. Much as I am dreading the treatments, I want to get on with things so we have a sense of what it is we are actually dealing with. How will I do with the treatment? Will we be able to fit in some “quality time” during the treatments? Can the tumors be shrunk? Can this aggressive cancer be held back for a time?

Every day there something coming into the house that brings a smile or a lift of some kind. A good friend of mine, who also has cancer, sent me a note saying “if you are going through hell, keep going” – and we are. We are “keeping going” as we welcome friends for tea, keep up with the grand children, chase down weeds in the garden and especially in our .being with each other. We are slightly addicted to the web puzzles and understand there are a few of you who are also having difficulty tearing yourselves away from them!

Waiting

Yesterday we called about getting an appointment with the oncologist to discuss the chemotherapy and apparently the procedure is that the doctors, when they are free, come into the office and triage the referrals - i.e. the more serious go to the top of the pile. You will understand that this creates a distinct sense of ambivalence - do I really want to go to the top of the pile?

So when will the chemo begin? I assumed there were lists and that when a space opens up my name will eventually be put on the list. Not so, my name gets on the list within one to two weeks after seeing the oncologist.

Something that to me seems infinitely simple such as making appointments, is in fact, far more multi layered.

Learning to wait without pulling out the telephone cord or simply screaming at the next person who calls "why are you not the oncologist" is the challenge for today!

At some point I will likely rampage but in the mean time we have had some really significant times with friends.

In case you are wondering!

In case you are wondering we are doing very well. The time away is always precious and centers us. Saturday morning we wandered through the market and one of the things that took our eye was a phrase "The direction of the wind we cannot change, but we can adjust our sails". So we are adjusting our sails to scoop up all the energy, care, thoughts and prayers sent our way in the cards and conversations.

We are open to calls, spontaneous visits and invitations with the proviso that we may have to beg off because I am tired or we are not up to it.

Stent

On Friday we got a call to say the appointment to have the stent put in is 7:30 a.m Monday August 20th. It is a procedure that takes about an hour but by the time they do preparation etc, I'll not get out much before noon. Still no news on the chemotherapy regime.

We are just back from two days in Annapolis Royal. We stayed at the Bread and Roses Inn which is quite charming. During our time there, Gwen (Diane's sister from Ontario) Dale (her husband) and Christie (their grand daughter) joined us for supper and a wonderful walk on the boardwalk.

Our time away nurtured us and gave us time to talk and to continue cherishing each other.

A friend of ours gave us a link to a terrific way to spend our time when we want something mindless to do - jigsaw puzzles on the web - you might want to give it a try! http://www.jigzone.com/puzzles/daily-jigsaw It helps us in the many times when we are "waiting".

Beginning to integrate our new reality.

Hello folk - we want first to thank you for the words of support and affection that have been coming our way - the e-mails , food and cards are a reminder of the wider circle of our friends that we have known over the years.

Today has been one of trying to integrate the information we received from the surgeon yesterday. Last night was a terrible night for Shelley - likely a migraine caused her to have her head in the toilet bowl for several hours. Besides a rather tender tummy, she is in very little stress today. Our doctor has been very helpful with sorting out the pain medication.

One of the things the surgeon told us was to '"get your affairs in order". This is a code phrase to sort out my documents and all those things that I have held onto lo these many years. We had begun this sorting process some while back but, of course, now it has much more urgency attached to it. There is something both absolutely wretched and yet at the same time very healing to look at those things that bring back precious memories of times and people in my life. The blue bags are filling up and we are setting aside stuff for a yard sale one day. There is also a box of treasures for the things we are not ready to put aside.

It is good to see the sun shining. I hope it shines where you are. We are off for the weekend.

Meeting with Surgeon

As we thought surgery is not an option. I will see the oncologist in 2-3 weeks to begin chemo treatments - to increase quality of life. The general statistics suggest 6 - 9 months but then, they are just statistics. The good news is that I can eat anything I like!!!

Next week I will have a stent put in to prevent jaundice from occurring.

The surgeon was a gentle, caring soul and I felt held by him and know he will take good care of me.

We will take some days away to absorb this next round of information.

Thank you so much for the cards, e-mails etc.

Your continued support is very much appreciated.

Communication

Hi folks

We are overwhelmed with the number of pieces of communication that has come our way over the past two weeks. We are deeply touched by the concern and care expressed.

In order to keep those who would like to be updated on our journey we have put together this "blog" as a means of simplifying communication. When we have new information to share we will post it.

We will not be reading responses to the blog. If you want to be in touch with us you can still use e-mail.

Shelley and Diane

Naturopth

On Friday I went to see a naturopath, Cheryl Lycette. It was very good news to hear that I can return to my former diet. This opens up lots of possibilities such as eating out and with friends.

The surgeon is Dr. Molanari who is part of the liver transplant team here in Halifax. We understand he is excellent.

Days are going well given the slings and arrows.

Appointment

July 31, 2007

Dear Friends and Family

We finally have some news to share. Shelley will see a surgeon on August 8th at 3:30 p.m. We are told that his specialty is pancreatic cancer. He will likely determine the next step – possibly biopsy.

Your powerful prayers and positive energy are what will sustain us over the next while. We are very grateful for the words of encouragement and support – they are very meaningful to us and provide a sense of a network that is surrounding and holding us.

Our life is strangely surreal. Often we are “waiting” for a call from the doctor. Diane is moving towards compassionate leave from Bedford. We find ourselves at non-sense movies, long walks, visits to the beach and will try to spend over nights away when that is possible.

We will continue to let you know how life is unfolding for us.

Thanks

Shelley and Diane.

1st Communication

July 30th, 2007:

Hello folk – this is a group letter from Shelley and Diane that contains some hard news about Shelley’s health. Some six weeks ago she began to have some tummy trouble. About a month ago she saw a doctor and the hope was that it was some form of indigestion. There were dates set for an ultrasound and a barium swallow. Because the symptoms increased we decided to go forward with an ultra sound at a private clinic and that took place on Tuesday 23. That night we heard that there was indication of something on the pancreas and possibly something on the ovaries. On Wednesday, Shelley had a CT scan and it verified that there is indeed something in both places – likely a primary cancer in the pancreas and in an ovary with also something showing in the liver.

The next step is for us to meet with a medical team and we are hoping to talk with our GP about that on Monday. They will decide whether or not it is operable, if she needs a biopsy or chemo or what. We are now in the hands of the medical profession. We also believe strongly that we are being held by something bigger than us that is surrounding us and that we will be provided the strength and courage we will need. Your support, prayers, thoughts will be crucial to us.

We are holding onto each other and we are taking every hour one at a time.

We have put together a contact list and we will use it to communicate with folk so that (a) we do not have to repeat the story over and over (b) to give us some distance from our emotions (c) so that you, our friends and family, can know how we are doing.

Presently, Shelley is on a very limited diet which seems to help with her level of stomach distress. Thank you for giving us space over next few days while we absorb our new reality.

Shelley and Diane.