From Shelley's Jamaican Family

Farewell Shelley !

To a great extent Jamaica and her surviving family there, stepmom Hyacinth,sister Janette and brothers Tom and William (her father George died there in 1984) was a special part of Shelly's life. It most definitely was a part of a re-discovery of herself in latter years. We were always in touch but since our father's illness and subsequent death

Shelley and the Jamaican Finson clan became even closer.

After dad's death in 1984 the geographical distance began to narrow and our family became more closely knit. Shelley , due to her constant concern for all of us resumed the role of the older sister and would through her numerous correspondence and periodic visits became the wise counsel,a job she was more than qualified to hold. Her even temperament,calm voice ,open mind and quick wit navigated her into our hearts. Along with her came Diane who easily fit into our circle and with whom we all enjoyed many precious moments.

It is hard to express the joy Shelley brought to our lives but I am sure that it was quite mutual as she began to feel the ties that came with family intrigue . Among the younger ones she had the responsibility for the introduction of the “Mexican Train”game and subsequent endless naggings by William's children Victoria,Alexander and Nicholas who were always at a loss for a partner once Shelly returned to Halifax.

Leah, Tom's daughter was a frequent caller to Shelly and my daughter Janelle always had open lines of communication. The boys as boys usually are , were less communicative but always welcomed her warmly when their paths crossed. With my sons Jason and Justin living in California and Tom's son Christian studying in London this did not happen as often as Shelly would have liked. On the side of the in-laws Gordon my husband was a tireless train challenger and Sandy William's wife and Rose Tom's wife were always on hand to receive words of wisdom or jolts of encouragement from her. We will all miss her very much.

Our mother Hyacinth has been drifting into that dreamscape of dementia slowly and graciously,however, with Shelly's visits to Jamaica she makes that trip back into the recesses of her mind and recalls Shelley as a schoolgirl living with her and wonders aloud to her “my you've grown how are you doing these days”. This statement is repeated some ten times during the half hour conversation.

Lastly we wish to spend just a brief final few moments on the last several months and in particular this last month.

The call in July that told us of her illness and the fact that her time with us was now limited set off in the family a slow drift of memories and regrets for time lost with her and our other brother Brian who lives in London. We each (the sibblings that is) played over and over in our minds the scenes we shared with her and found them too short and too fleeting. We however, for the first time began not just to appreciate Shelly but really began to appreciate those around her who over the many years kept her happy and kept her warm. Those of you here today are really her true family,while her blood may flow through our veins her spirit and soul truly lies with you all.

Shelley has gone on her journey, the next step in the cycle of the scheme of things that we are all destined to march. But over the last few months we as a family have come to appreciate what she left behind and the friends and loved ones who have been at her side night and day. Diane we are in awe of your devotion and caring and could not ask anymore of anyone with whom a sister would spend her highs and ultimately her very lows. But when William sat with her for a few moments on our recent visit Shelly confided that although one may not be ultimately sure where we all go from here ,she was most concerned that you Di would be well and that life would go on for you. It was also important to her that we continue to remember her as we loved her, as she had been a part of our lives and would continue to be so in the future. She hoped that her memory would be a happy and positive one and that her legacy through the years of giving hope to thousands of poor and distressed people through the world , especially women in challenging situations would be remembered.

We arrived here in January to see Shelley for a few days and those few days would for ever represent her true spirit . Brave in the face of great odds gracious in the acceptance of what she had been dealt and resistant to just calling it a day. Despite the cancer she never complained and insisted on taking us on a tour of Halifax and to Peggy's Cove. William,Tom and I feel humbled by how Shelley and Di rose to meet us and further humbled by the fact that her accelerated downturn started the day we left and ended almost exactly four weeks after that. She had in a great way risen to meet her brothers and sister in blood and was now to rest peacefully away with her sisters in spirit.

My blessings respect and love go out to you all today, Shelley's transition is complete praise be to God. She has no pain now and I am sure she has already began her training for the next Marathon. Goodbye Shelley,we all miss you.

Mom,Janette ,Tom,William and families.

Shelley's Obituary

Rev. Dr. Shelley (Sheila) Elsie Grace Finson

B.A., M.R.E., Dip. Ed., M.S.W., D. Min., Honorary Doctorate, Companion of the Centre for Christian Studies

March 2, 1936 – February 3, 2008

After a six month journey following the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, in the early morning hours of February 3, Shelley yielded her place in the universe. Born in Carlschalton, Surrey, England, Shelley was raised by her great Aunt Thirza. At age six, along with her brother Brian, she became a child evacuee and lived in South Wales for three years. From age thirteen to sixteen, she lived in Jamaica with her father and step-mother. At sixteen she returned to England to work as an office girl. At seventeen, she joined the Air Force and became a radar operator. Two years later she received compassionate discharge in order to keep house for her brother who had contracted tuberculosis. At twenty, Shelley moved to Canada. She studied in the areas of Religion, Social Work and Theology at the University of Toronto (MSW), and Boston College (DMin). In 2001, she was awarded an Honorary Doctorate Degree from United Theological School, McGill University, Montreal. In 2008, she was awarded Companion of the Centre by the Centre of Christian Studies, Winnipeg. In her early years of ministry, she directed the “North Toronto Youth Project” ministering to alienated youth on the streets of Toronto. As her work unfolded, her ministry gradually began to focus on disenfranchised women. For several years, she functioned as Coordinator of the Canadian ecumenical “Movement for Christian Feminism; a movement funded by numerous churches. As faculty member for nine years at the Centre for Christian Studies in Toronto, she taught students preparing for diaconal ministry. In 1985, she joined the faculty of the Atlantic School of Theology in Halifax preparing students for ordained ministry. She retired from A.S.T. in 2001. Shelley’s volunteer ministries included work with “Stepping Stone;” an outreach program for sex trade workers on the streets of Halifax, and “Women’s Employment Outreach.” She provided leadership for countless workshops related to the intersection of women’s lives and theology, as well as leadership for various Conference and National Church Committees. Her deep commitment to social justice affected the lives of those around her – colleagues, students and friends. She took delight in singing, playing guitar, running, learning french, and gardening. She is survived by her partner, Diane Carter Tingley; sisters, Janette Robinson (Gordon), Jamaica, Angela Madill (Ray), Penticton, B.C.; brothers Brian Finson (Barbara), England, Thomas Tavares-Finson (Rose), Jamaica, William Tavares-Finson (Sandy), Jamaica, Ian McGahey (Joanne), Vancouver; step-mother, Hyacinth Finson, Jamaica; several nieces and nephews. She will be missed by Diane’s children, Kevin and Susan Carbyn, and grandchildren, Ashley, Leah, Holly, Rachel and Lucas, whose presence enriched her life. She was predeceased by parents, George Finson and Maud McGahey (Davis), and brother, Tony McGahey. Led by a circle of women, a service to celebrate Shelley’s life will be held at Bedford United Church, Bedford, on Saturday, February 9 at 2 P.M. A private interment will take place at a later date. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in Shelley’s memory to the Centre for Christian Studies, 60 Maryland St., MB, R3G 1K7, or a charity of choice.

1:38 A.M., Februrary 3, 2008

Our hands were clasped round the clock since 8:30 A. M Tuesday morning until Shelley decided to "yield her place in the universe" at 1:38 A.M. last night. Following her death, Marie Claire, Ann, and I prepared her body, complete with shampoo, for a blessing ceremony. Just after sunrise, women friends came to our home for the blessing circle. For those of you who are interested, words shared are copy/pasted below.

When Shelley's obituary is complete, I will post its information on the blog. I am hoping that her service will either be this coming Friday or Saturday but need further conversations with others before that decision can be made.

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Sacred Water Ceremony

We have brought Sacred Water to this very Sacred blessing. This water came to Nancy and I from a ritual with Starhawk and a circle of Halifax women some 20 yrs ago. Starhawk and women from around the world had collected this water from sacred sites and from women’s circles and rituals, much like this one for Shelley this morning.

In the past 20 yrs we have shared this water at many gatherings including the baptism of both our girls which both Shelley and Diane celebrated with us.

Today we call upon the energy of these women and the rituals of days past to be present with us.

As we pass the bowl of water from one to the other, I would invite each of you to touch the water, to add your presence and the presence of any others you wish to be with us today.

As the Sacred Water returns to me, I will touch Shelley with the water that we may be present to her and she to us.

(Marie Claire Chartrand)

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A Blessing for Shelley Finson
February 3, 2008

[With each blessing the part of the body blessed is anointed with oil.]

The Blessing

Shelley, our beloved one, we surround you acknowledging that you have gone forth on the wings of love to face the great mystery of death. We cradle your love in our hearts and in our memories. You will remain a part of us always. We gather here to bless your journey onward and to express our gratitude for what you have given to us by your presence in our lives.

We bless your head, Shelley and the amazing intellect that it held; a mind forever at work – learning French/the ins and outs of computers/the psychological and theological complexities of humanity. Thank you for the ways that you have influenced our lives by your beliefs, attitudes, and values. Thank you for sharing your hopes, dreams and faith. Thank you for that acute mind of yours that could see life with such perception drawing the admiration of so many.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your eyes Shelley. We are grateful for what these eyes have seen that brought you joy and happiness: birds at your feeder; gardens in full bloom; women in touch with their own strength and possibilities; actions of solidarity; moments of justice and peace. We are thankful for the times when these penetrating eyes have seen truth and vision and holiness; and when they have looked upon us with love. May your eyes now behold the face of the Divine smiling in welcome.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your ears Shelley. Thank you for the many times you have listened to us. Thank you for the times you have heard the cries of the women, children and men of the world; for hearing our questions and the challenges of family and friends. May the voice of the Divine speaking your name bring you comfort and peace.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your nose Shelley. Thank you for your nose that delighted in the fragrance of a garden and a cup of tea and also had an incredible ability to sniff out injustices in our world.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your mouth Shelley. We give thanks for your beautiful, distinct, powerful singing voice that crossed the lips of your mouth and for your wonderful smile that melted hearts. We give thanks for your words to us, filled with love, wisdom and humour. We give thanks for your mouth that sometimes surprised us and never hesitated to challenge us with a quick wit and amazing insight.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your hands Shelley. Your hands have been a source of welcome and of help in countless ways. We offer our gratitude for all that these hands have done. We give thanks for your hands that delighted in making jam, playing Mexican train, pulling weeds in a garden; hands that symbolized your deeply held value of connection. May your hands now hold the hand of God.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your feet Shelley. For 32 years, your feet took you running in every province in Canada, in England, the United States, France, South America, the Caribbean and elsewhere. You have stood and walked on your feet since your youth and they have taken you through many of life's ups and downs. Your feet were always willing to “walk the talk” and to stand in hard places. Your feet carried you to and through a rich and deeply meaningful life. May you walk with God in a place of peace and rest.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your womb Shelley; your womb that symbolizes the many times you were midwife. Although you did not give actual physical birth, you guided many women and some men in their own rebirthing processes. We give thanks for the many times you accompanied others with your midwifery skills, your tenderness and your compassion.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your heart Shelley. This heart has pulsed with life. It has given and received love. This heart has contained many emotional bonds with those gathered here. It has given you energy to live. We are grateful for your heart; a heart that was deeply passionate, compassionate, sometimes heavy but always determined to find life in the midst of all things. May your heart now become a part of the beating heart of She who gave you life.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We now extend our hands over you Shelley, gathering the love in our hearts and extending it to you as fully as possible. May our love and the love of She who created, sustained, and empowered you, surround you and fill you with peace.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

Welcoming, mothering God,

of all love and life,

draw us closer to you and one another.

Embrace us that we might feel the blessing

of your presence,

holding us in steadfast love,

in all time and space.

Let our bodies be soothed and comforted,

through your gentle touch in one another's hand.

Let our spirits be one,

with you and one another,

comforted and at peace. So be it.

(Liturgy from unknown source adapted by Diane for Shelley)

Another transition

Yesterday morning at 8:30, after sharing a demi-tasse cup of tea together and reminiscing about the beginnings of our morning ritual of tea in bed for the past 10 years, in the act of turning her to her side Shelley, slipped instantly into a coma. Many women friends now visit round the clock to stand vigil with me. She is comfortable and still fairly strong thus will probably have a few more days. However, throughout this whole journey she has proven to be unique,(including the way she fell into a coma yesterday morning) and could well have other plans.

I will let you know when she has decided to take her leave. Until then, I will be at her side and away from the blog.

Time with grandchildren

Shelley is still "fully present" with us. Yesterday, she spent a few minutes with each of the five grandchildren. The picture captures a tender moment with Ashley, the oldest grandchild. Shelley has been a "second grannie" to her since the day she was born.

Vigil Time

I am now administering Shelley's drugs with syringes. She did not eat yesterday and only had a few sips of water. Even while so much energy is being consumed to wend her way through these last days, she is still clear headed when awake. She is also mostly free of pain.

The VON now comes morning and late evening to check on her and to help with anything that needs to be done re: getting ready for the day or getting ready for the night.

My/our friend, Marie Claire, told me yesterday that she has taken a week's vacation next week so that either she or her partner can be here round the clock with me. They think that "familiar faces" would be better than having a private nurse come in. Tears still well up whenever I think about this incredible act of compassion and their insistent/persistent/constant love and care around us both. Ann also continues to be present daily. She is often running errands for me and has been a link to health-care equipment stores buying such things as wonderful sheep-skin booties for Shelley that have made such a difference for her sore feet.

A friend recently wrote that "it is as hard staying open to death as it is keeping open to love but they are related to each other aren't they."

In our quiet home filled with loving energy, we are staying open to death and keeping open to love.

Shelley's Hands

A former student recently requested a picture of Shelley's hands; hands that held many a fledgling then shooed them from the nest that they too might go and make a difference in the world. I am grateful for her request as I too now have a picture of them. I thought that some of you also might like one.

In these last days, Shelley's spirit has become quiet and gentle. Last night, in a very soft voice she said, "I have strength to do this if you have strength to do this." In that moment, both our wells were filled.

Also...

We wanted you to know that Shelley is still quite strong and will likely be given another two to three weeks.

Roho Mattress Arrives

Last night's sleep was so much better as Shelley's "Roho Mattress" arrived making it unnecessary to turn her every couple of hours through the night. The mattress distributes pressure evenly throughout her body. Their are signs of a bed sore beginning which, we trust, the Roho will prevent from further developing so that it can heal on its own.

In a few days, a home care worker will come every morning to help me with Shelley's "spa times." O. T. was here yesterday with lots of tips to make life easier, Monica spent two hours with us checking Shelley over and waiting with her for the new mattress to arrive, and a V.O.N. (who comes daily) was also here for an hour. Such an amazing amount of support!

We both are settling in for this gentle time continuing to be grateful for what has been and appreciative of the ongoing love and care that surrounds us.

Moving the Day-Bed

Today we moved Shelley's "day bed" into our living room. We hope to have an air mattress soon that will help in the prevention of bed sores. I have a cot beside her so I can keep an eye on her throughout the night. She sleeps most of the time and, although every movement exhausts her, continues to remain mostly comfortable. Sadly, she no longer is able to receive visitors. A very quiet household is what she now seeks as she wends her way through this part of her journey. How very quickly life has changed for us.

Tender Time

Dear Friends and Family,

Because Shelley no longer has the energy to focus on email communications (I haven't yet been able to read the last two days of emails to her but hope there will be a window of opportunity to do so today), I invite you now just to continue holding her in your thoughts and prayers that she might feel their presence and be warmed by them. Her low oxygen level plus her extreme tiredness makes it difficult for her to concentrate. She knows you have cast a wide "Shelley circle" around her and feels strengthened, encouraged, and comforted by the gift.

It is a tender and very precious time for us and, so far, most of the time my love is fairly comfortable. We have a bundle of new fluffy towels for her morning spas, five new flannel nities and an elegant new bed jacket to keep her cozy for those occasions when she is able to sit up in bed and hold court!

A Wave

Before tucking in for the night, Shelley sends a wave to you and special birthday greetings to Diann Graham!

Time with the Sandman

Shelley is spending more time with the Sandman each day, grateful for the comfort sleep brings to her dear, tired body. Understandably, she also has very little appetite. Her tummy is still swollen but has not increased significantly. I am told the reason more fluid is not accumulating is that her body is probably absorbing the fluid which likely is contributing to her tiredness and daily decline. The palliative doctor will visit next week and make a decision then about whether or not to attempt withdrawal of the fluid again. In order to keep the pain at bay and reduce the "break through meds" Shelley requires each day, her slow release pain meds are being increased.

Someone recently asked me how I managed to write on the blog. She wondered "if it was a release for me?" I've pondered her question for a couple of days before the answer presented itself. The blog helps me know, as I continue to hold Shelley, that I am not alone. I know I have a vast community holding her with me and that puts a great deal of gratitude beside the profound ache in my heart. And - when I read your communications to her, I am reminded again and again of how much she has blessed all of us by her presence in our lives. It is these things that sustain.

A Busy Day Yesterday

We just finished our "spa and pampering time;" a wonderful image given to me that aptly describes our new morning ritual. Lots of fluffy towels, nice soap, and soothing creams!

Yesterday, our home was filled with lots of activity. Shelley's Occupational Therapist came twice to help adjust some of our new mechanical friends, a nurse from the V.O.N. paid her a visit, and then Monica Flynn - our beloved palliative nurse, came by. Each one cast their eyes and hearts over Shelley to see what they could do to make her life more comfortable.

Following discussions about a chair -lift, Shelley decided that she no longer had the energy it required to go outside, so she did not want one to be installed. The weather, let alone donning winter coats, scarfs, hats and boots, is enough to discourage anyone. She is just as pleased to remain within the comforts of her home.

Weekly Conversation with Friend

A snapshot of Shelley talking with a long time friend from Ontario who is also in a "cancer journey" and with whom Shelley talks weekly.

Weekly

Feeling Your Love and Affection

Thanks for your emails friends! Shelley no longer has energy to focus on her emails so I read them to her when the energy of her day allows. As I share your communications with her, she continues to feel your love and affection.

In recent days, her mobility has become more limited. Moving from the bathroom, to day bed, to recliner and back to her night bed at 5:00 PM becomes her daily exercise. Over the past couple of days, she has been "swishing and swallowing" unpleasant tasting nystatin four times a day in order to deal with a thrush infection. Fortunately, her back and stomach pain is mostly alleviated by "breakthrough" pain meds. Sleep is a great friend which she is able to welcome many times throughout the day. She also sleeps extremely well through the night and has been free of nausea this past week - another blessing.

Her days are now spent completely on the main level of our home. I am less inclined to be downstairs for any length of time so, if you tend to write to me, would you please send all communications to Shelley's address so that I can receive and respond to them from our living room (sfinson@eastlink.ca).

Mechanical Friends

This morning, Dr. Rob Horton (palliative care physician) visited with Shelley and, while here, he attempted to remove the build up of fluid from her abdomen. Unfortunately, the procedure wasn't successful. He will return in a week or so to try the procedure again. By that time, Shelley's tummy should look 8 months pregnant rather than 5 months pregnant. He tells us the second attempt will be successful.

Because my love's health has taken a fairly rapid downturn, we are inviting more mechanical friends into our home; among other things, a wheelchair, recliner with remote, and a chair-lift as soon as one can be installed. At noon, a friend came by to help me relocate her hospital bed from the downstairs study to the upstairs kitchen area. It will be used as Shelley's 'day bed.' At the moment she is napping on the bed, very pleased with the amount of comfort it provides and the fact she still has a good view of our bird feeders which continue to offer her much delight.

Sadly, we've been told by the palliative care team not to look for "better days." Within this new reality, we continue to be overwhelmed by angel-friends who surround us with amazing care and support.

The sun is shining brightly though our kitchen windows and it is 10 degrees outside. As with your continued thoughts and prayers, we are warmed by its presence.

Results of CT Scan

Shelley's health problems the past few days have been a foreshadowing of the difficult news we received this morning. Her cancer has spread significantly - thus the reason for her swollen tummy and feet as well as her increased tiredness.

The good news is that Shelley won't have to get out of bed early on Monday mornings to face chemo any longer. The palliative team will now take over responsibility for symptom management.

Her three siblings are arriving within the hour for their final visit before they leave - one at midnight tonight for England, the other two at 6:30 AM tomorrow. What a joy their visit has been to both of us!

With appreciation for giving us some space just to be with each other over the next couple of days.

Sharing Pancakes

Shelley's siblings have safely arrived. One of them is especially enthralled with the snow....wishes he could see it falling. Imagine!

Surrounding my love from left to right - Janette, Will and Tom. It was a rough start to Shelley's day but it picked up considerably with her siblings energy and love in our home!

Looking for a better tomorrow

The past few days have been very challenging for Shelley. She has experienced extreme fatigue, swollen feet, sore back and tummy, as well as bowel complications. Recent blood work has indicated that her thyroid is out of wack so her GP upped her thyroid meds. We are hoping that the next few days will bring a return to a greater sense of wellness.

Janette, Thomas, and William arrive at 10:30 tonight. If you have a moment, all prayers, thoughts and energy sent Shelley's way this weekend would be appreciated. She is quite disappointed because she may not be able to be out and about with her family in the way she had hoped.

Looking for a better tomorrow.

On other side of CT Scan

Yesterday was the CT scan day. I suspect it was all the "guck" that went into my body prior to the scan, but I felt pretty much under par following the test.

However, today, Tuesday, I feel somewhat better and we are off to a movie. Well, not exactly a movie, but to see the opera “Hansel and Gretel” which is being viewed simultaneously at movie theatres round the country. It is performed live at the Metropolitan Operatic Theatre in New York. Pretty exciting stuff and, I gather, quite popular as I have friends in Toronto who will also be at the same movie and who tell me the place is often full each time a live operatic production is shown.