Fair to Middling

I have been upchucking some since the Chemo but nowhere near as symptomatic as last round. I am learning some things about how to control it – primarily “do not move quickly and do not over do things” – quite the challenge for me for sure.

Happily, we are gearing up for my Brother and Sister-in-law’s visit next week. They arrive from England on Monday, so likely the visiting will not really begin until Wednesday – but we shall see.

Saw the surgeon this morning who is replacing my 'temporary' Stent with a permanent one on November 20^th.

Hope the evening holds only treats for you without any tricks.

I am looking forward to a gentle end of the week and hope it is there for me.

Back on Track

On the steps of Blomindon Inn after a cherished two days in the Valley!

Home from Chemo and hopeful.

Taking Respite

Good to be home once again.

We are taking space this weekend just to be together. We will be in touch next week to let you know how the chemo goes following Monday's appointment.

Thanks for the contiuning support. You are an amazing bunch of friends and family!

The Wolff is Gone!

Shelley went off for her procedure at 9 this morning and returned to her room at 1:45. For the next three hours she lay perfectly still to prevent bleeding at the site where the probes entered her body. When I left her tonight, she had finished her supper and was getting ready for a good night's sleep. The doctors were pleased with their success in finding the aberrant pathway and in stopping the Wolff in his tracks. Mr. Wolff and Shelley have now parted company!

When I arrived home, a message was on our answering machine advising Shell that she has an appointment with her Oncologist at 8:30 Monday morning with chemo to follow. A burning of the heart one day and Chemo 4 days later! Absolutely amazing! What a wonder-full world in which we live!

Re-booting

Shelley had a heart-stopping experience this morning when the Wolff decided to dance across her heart again, but her doctor was in quick pursuit with "Adenosine" at his side. Although the drug Adenosine stops the heart for a second, it worked in 10 seconds flat. We decided the experience was akin to re-booting a computer. I'm not sure that my own heart has settled down yet from being present to the procedure. I/we will be mightily relieved when she is on the other side of her ablation TOMORROW.

Yes, Shelley is the first one on the list tomorrow which means she heads off for her procedure around 7:30 A. M.

With thanks for holding her through this night and tomorrow!

Fasting is Over

Shelley just got the word that she is not having the procedure done today.

Impending Procedure

Shelley will be put on a fast at midnight for "possible" but "improbable" surgery tomorrow. The doctor, who is to perform the surgery, returns tomorrow from a Conference in Montreal and "might" be able to fit her into his schedule. She is on an "emergency" list which means she will be "fitted in" between patients who are already scheduled for surgery on an outpatient basis. If space doesn't open up tomorrow, she'll continue to be a "lady in waiting" until space does open up....Thursday, Friday or the following week. It is difficult for the doctors to give an accurate prediction of when they can fit Shelley in as it all depends on how the scheduled surgeries unfold tomorrow - ie. they could take as little as 3 or 4 hours or, if things don't go well, they could involve a much longer time.

Shelly is receiving excellent care, feels quite well, almost enjoys the hospital food (or more to the point, enjoys the fact that she has an appetite and wants to eat), has convinced one of the nurses to start running (has even set up a program for her), chats up anyone within her purview, and walks the halls of the wing whenever the opportunity arises. She is generally feeling quite well and anxious to have the surgery behind her.

A blessing of the week is that Shelley's nurse (the one she's convinced to start running) underwent this procedure a few years ago herself, so they now have a little support group going!

Someone asked us today what "to convert" meant in the midst of a WPW attack. When Shelley's heart drops instantly from 150 to 62 (for example), it indicates that her heart has converted and her normal pathway is functioning once again. Who knew that conversion of the heart held so many meanings!

A long night!

Last night at 11 o'clock, Shelley had another WPW episode which did not "covert" until 11:00 this morning. It seems the Wolff was determined to have one long, last dance.

When we know the specifics of the surgery (ie. date/time etc.), we will let you know so that, as the time draws closer, you can hold her in your thoughts and prayers.

Closing in on the Wolff

Shelley has been "handed over" to Cardiology's "Electrical Specialist Team" who plan surgery for her as early as this coming Wednesday or Thursday or, at the latest, the following week. Until then, they will keep her in hospital. She will be awake for the 4 to 5 hour procedure. A probe will be inserted through her groin area which will then find its way to her heart. After the doctors bait the Wolff into an appearance, the Wolff will be stopped in his tracks. A small portion of Shelley's heart will be burned and thus prevent Wolff from ever appearing again.

This surgery has a 95% success rate and a 1% possibility of serious complications. It is Shelley's decision to go forward with the surgery and, of course, we are both looking forward to being on the other side of it. Success would mean that Shelley will be out of the hospital the next day and able to resume her regular life - ie. get back on track for Chemo. What a regular life!!!

Shelley was delighted to receive visitors from Toronto today as her long time friend, Gwyn, and Gwyn's partner, Nan, flew into Halifax this morning to visit her. They have brought a bright spot into an otherwise fairly heavy weekend.

Tomorrow, Bedford United is having a service to celebrate my three years of ministry with them. The service(s) will also provide opportunity for closure of our pastoral relationship. Earlier this fall, when I asked to be the speaker for the service(s), I had not bargained on the Wolff trying to make life difficult for me as well. Aside from getting a (hoped for) night's sleep tonight, I've got my reflection together and I'm ready to go! So the miserable ole Wolff can just put that in his pipe and smoke it!

A New Man in Shelley's Life!

After 19 hours on a gurney in the ER, Shelley was quite amenable to the news that she would be sharing a room with a person of the male persuasion. Let's hope they don't start talking theology!

Presently, she is attached to a small monitor whose main function is to sleuth out any signs of Wolff hanging around. Propafenone (the new drug that needs monitoring) has also been enlisted to discourage Wolff from rearing his head. For the next while, Shelley will be confined to her bed. Over the weekend, plans are in place for a series of tests to give cardiology a broader picture of her "heart-happenings." Once the investigations are complete, then decisions will be made about how to go forward.

While sometimes we wonder if GB and Wolff might be in a conspiracy, we continue to move forward in faith, hope, and trust - and with gratitude for the many ways we are being held by all of you!

No Room in the Inn

Because there isn't a bed in the Cardiology wing tonight, Shelley is counting sheep in cubical 17 at the ER. Yes, the Wolff reared its ugly head again at 8:15 tonight. Tomorrow she will be transferred to the Infirmary (the new building of the QE11) in order for Cardiology to have a good look at her and determine the best way forward.

Some of you have indicated that you are not yet clear on what Wolff Parkinson White syndrome is (WPW), so I'll attempt a short description. Its name comes from the three people who discovered the syndrome (ie. it is not related to Parkinson's disease). Essentially, all of a sudden her heart begins to beat very rapidly. Thus far, when she's having an episode, her pulse rate peaks around 170 beats per minute. While most of us were born with one pathway responsible for heart impulses that send the blood on its way, Shelley was born with an accessory pathway as well. Something over the past two months has triggered the accessory pathway to kick in, which means the impulses don't travel through all the heart's chambers and the result is a rapid heart rate. Drugs can sometimes control WPW and there is also a surgical procedure that could stop the abnormal circuit from functioning but, given that Shelley has pancreatic cancer and is on chemo, we are not sure what the doctors are prepared to do. What I know is that Shelley is not prepared to live on the end of such a short tether and is determined to deal with the Wolff in whatever way opens up for her.

The resident cardiologist, who saw Shelley tonight, said that he would recommend a new drug be tried tomorrow, one that required a hospital stay in order for it to be monitored. He envisions that a stress test would be lined up for her on Saturday but his last words were, "When you get on the floor, they may have other ideas for you!" Her own cardiologist has been away all week but, because he is held in high regard, I expect she will get the best of care in his absence.

Hopefully the Wolff can be tamed!

Enjoying Creation's Beauty

Our first trip out of the city in many, many weeks! Peggy's Cove embraced us with warmth, sunshine, inspiring waters and several bus loads of American tourists! :-) We took a few steps toward the lighthouse but didn't go any further - yet, what a treat for us!

In the second picture, Ann (who spends regular time with us during the week) and Shelley are sorting through books that will be given to the Center for Christian Studies in Winnipeg where Shelley taught(when the Center was in Toronto) for nine years. Shelley has been associated with the Center since 1962 when she first was a student there.

Stars on Grey's Anatomy!

We've become so familiar with ambulances and ERs, rumors are afoot that Grey's Anatomy may soon ask us to join their cast! Stay tuned.

Despite the Wolf howling at our door again last night, I awoke this morning feeling well and ready to meet the day.

Regretfully, the new strategy for WPW episodes doesn't work. Last night, three drugs were administered (one at home and two in hospital) before my heart settled. Now it's back to square one and another consult with the cardiologist to know "where to from here?."

How's the Day Going?

A picture's worth a thousand words!

"And So?"

Over the course of this journey, I’ve been blessed to receive a number of symbolic gifts from past students. One student was recently inspired to create the painting (to your left) titled "And So?" by the provocative question still resonating within her some 23 years after graduating from the Center for Christian Studies. The artist, Mary McHarg (formerly Vipond), who now resides in Toronto, has given permission to post the painting and says, “The painting is about attitude rather than any likeness!” (just in case you were wondering!)

Then, a friend sent us a poem that caused us to ponder anew our recent experience. For us, the poem seems to be in dialogue with the question, "And So?" We've included the poem for you.

MY HEART IS SO SMALL

My heart is so small
it's almost invisible.
How can You place
such big sorrows in it?

"Look," God answered,
"your eyes are even smaller,
yet they behold the world."

Rumi, the Sufi poet of love

A Rainbow in the Rain

Yet another joyous return to my home! Wonderful to be back in the midst of our own stuff! I'm feeling significantly better today, 8/10. One of the first things I did when I got home was talk to my brother in England. Diane caught the conversation on camera.

Oncology has given me a break from the Chemo for another week for which I am very grateful! A new intervention is in place should another episode of WPW occur and I've been taken off a drug that might have triggered the episodes.

Have a wonderful weekend and we'll try to do the same!

The Singing Patient!

After being away for five minutes, when I came down the hall toward Shelley's room at supper time, I could hear her wonderful voice singing grace. I think that the butter on her tray was the motivation of this spontaneous outburst, for when she spied it on her tray she saw within it great hope of making her potatoes more palatable. Yes, she is now back to "real" food (however "real" hospital food can be) without the accompanying nausea. She has also parted ways with her I.V. pole.

Shelley's well-being continues to climb upwards. Today she was 5.5/10! She still awaits Cardiology's assessment re: drugs, interactions, Chemo and WPW, while Oncology and Palliative care teams "wait and see" how the withdrawal of one drug and the re-introduction of food impact her system.

All in all, a pretty good day!

C T Scan Results

The C T Scan revealed some increase in size of the pancreatic tumor, new spots on the liver and some fluid build up in Shelley's abdomen and on her right side. It is too soon for the chemo to have an effect, but these are evident changes since her last scan in July.

Aside from stopping Shelley's back pain medication tonight because "it may have contributed to her WPW episodes," and giving her a very low steroid dose, the doctors have not yet readjusted her meds to address the nausea that still hovers around the edges. They are still in "consulting mode" because so many of the drugs they might consider as replacements are problematic for WPW syndrome. Cardiology is only "peripherally" involved in the discussions and Oncology wants to have "more direct conversations" before going forward with any other changes.

Monday, Shelley was 1/10 in her sense of well-being. Tuesday she was 2.5/10. Today she was 3.5-4/10 so is moving in the right direction. She is now on a full fluid diet that, so far, she has been able to keep down.

A little improvement

Shelley experienced a "little" improvement today but the doctors are waiting until after her cat scan tomorrow morning before serving up their collective wisdom. She is not fond of claustrophobic experiences so please send her some positive energy at 8:30 tomorrow morning as she gets ready to meet the cat.

Mechanical Cats and terrorizing Wolfs....Grrrrrrrrrr!

Rocky Road

My love is presently checking out the decor of the Oncology wing at the Victoria General. She is ensconced in a private room and awaiting tomorrow when those who have been overseeing her care return to work. The hope of her admission is to determine the cause of her ongoing nausea, provide a cat-scan, and reassess her medications. Hopefully cardiology will also be involved.

Her welcome mat for visitors will not be out until she is more stable and feeling better. Unfortunately, as flowers are not permitted in that area of the hospital, the decor of 8a leaves a little to be desired. However, the staff more than make up for lack of nature's beauty and color.

The last few days have been hard so it is a relief to both of us that she is receiving the kind of care that only the hospital can provide. It is also a relief that the medical pooh bears will be casting their eyes over her progress or lack thereof.

Thanksgiving Sunday

Another episode of WPW necessitated a third trip to the Emergency. Hopefully, we can arrange to see Shell's cardiologist in the near future to see if there are other ways of keeping WPW in check. It's exhausting for her, not to mention our concern over the many germs that fill ERs.

We will also ask the Palliative Dr. for a reassessment of her meds because of her ongoing nausea.

She just said to tell you that, "I'm sipping on a "delicious" cup of tea and very glad to be home."

Gravol through her I.V. will no doubt help her to sleep well tonight.

Some Musings

Today we anticipated joining friends in a celebration. However, events of last evening and this morning (nausea, vomiting and dizziness) have made the trip an impossibility. As we lay in bed reflecting on our circumstance and greeting the day, some musings, that we decided to share with you, came to the fore.

1.) Kindness does not exist if suffering comes that we might learn from it. We don't believe that we are given suffering in order to learn something, in order to grow or to evolve. Suffering is just part of the reality of being human and living within an "incomplete creation." That is all! Who wants to live in a universe or with a god that would include violence as an aid for learning. Not us!

2.) Among other things, assaults that cause suffering in beautifully created and healthy bodies include experiences of extreme pain, extreme tiredness, and constant nausea; experiences that add brokenness and disconnection to an already hurting world.

3.) Simple acts of kindness from caring friends and family continuously fill depleting wells of aching souls.

4.) Hope often needs to be reconfigured in order to fit changing realities.

5.) When the road is cluttered with obstacles that block our way to hope's possibility, sometimes we are just grateful that we can find the road to hope.

6.) Hope has been found within the cradle of some words from Isaiah, "Do not be afraid. Behold, I am about to create a new thing." Already, in our lived experience, we know the power of these words through the presence of caring ones who willingly join us on our Emmaus walk and share our burdens so we might lift our heads to see new horizons.

7.) Positive energy, thoughts and prayers can be sustaining.

8.) Gratitude deepens for small things that often become larger in meaning.

9.) When one door shuts, often a crowbar and several friends are required to open another door.

10.) What does it take for us to arrive at hope? A listening ear; persistence; and refusal to stay in disappointment or be defined by our circumstances.

Proof!

It's true, she really did the blog entry! :-)

First time up since Monday!

This is my first go at writing on the blog in quite some time. We usually talk about what Diane's going to post but she is the one who has had the energy it takes to keeping you abreast of the happenings in our journey.

Today I am feeling quite a bit better. The encounter with the W.P.W. really took a toll again. We have a new strategy to deal with it should another event happen.

It is glorious in Halifax today. We were just out on the top deck having lunch - 25 degrees! We are hoping to make a short excursion to the country tomorrow to celebrate the marriage of friends who have been partners for 40 years. Here is hoping I have energy enough to be there to participate in their joy.

Wishing all of you a blessed Thanksgiving!!!

Love
Shelley (and me too! - Diane)

A Big Day!

After WPW (Wolf Parkinson White syndrome) reared its head yesterday afternoon, (significantly dropping Shelley's blood pressure and elevating her pulse rate), Shelley had another luxurious ride via amulance to Emerg. Metropolol I. V. did the trick, settling everything down, but they love her face at Emerg so much (you really CAN'T be 71!), they wanted to keep her there for the evening. We arrived home around 11:30 and, with gratitude to the Red Cross for their hospital bed now in our study, she tucked herself under the covers for a good night's sleep.

We are expecting, demanding, and insisting on a good day today and are determined to make it so!

Third Date

Shelley "fell asleep" during her date with GB this morning; a sign they are becoming more comfortable with each other. Last week was a very "sleepy" week for Shelley. Some energy began to return yesterday but, once again, she is seeking solace beneath the duvet. She is looking forward to life without GB over the next couple of weeks. Her next date isn't until Oct. 15. Whoopee!