From Shelley's Jamaican Family

Farewell Shelley !

To a great extent Jamaica and her surviving family there, stepmom Hyacinth,sister Janette and brothers Tom and William (her father George died there in 1984) was a special part of Shelly's life. It most definitely was a part of a re-discovery of herself in latter years. We were always in touch but since our father's illness and subsequent death

Shelley and the Jamaican Finson clan became even closer.

After dad's death in 1984 the geographical distance began to narrow and our family became more closely knit. Shelley , due to her constant concern for all of us resumed the role of the older sister and would through her numerous correspondence and periodic visits became the wise counsel,a job she was more than qualified to hold. Her even temperament,calm voice ,open mind and quick wit navigated her into our hearts. Along with her came Diane who easily fit into our circle and with whom we all enjoyed many precious moments.

It is hard to express the joy Shelley brought to our lives but I am sure that it was quite mutual as she began to feel the ties that came with family intrigue . Among the younger ones she had the responsibility for the introduction of the “Mexican Train”game and subsequent endless naggings by William's children Victoria,Alexander and Nicholas who were always at a loss for a partner once Shelly returned to Halifax.

Leah, Tom's daughter was a frequent caller to Shelly and my daughter Janelle always had open lines of communication. The boys as boys usually are , were less communicative but always welcomed her warmly when their paths crossed. With my sons Jason and Justin living in California and Tom's son Christian studying in London this did not happen as often as Shelly would have liked. On the side of the in-laws Gordon my husband was a tireless train challenger and Sandy William's wife and Rose Tom's wife were always on hand to receive words of wisdom or jolts of encouragement from her. We will all miss her very much.

Our mother Hyacinth has been drifting into that dreamscape of dementia slowly and graciously,however, with Shelly's visits to Jamaica she makes that trip back into the recesses of her mind and recalls Shelley as a schoolgirl living with her and wonders aloud to her “my you've grown how are you doing these days”. This statement is repeated some ten times during the half hour conversation.

Lastly we wish to spend just a brief final few moments on the last several months and in particular this last month.

The call in July that told us of her illness and the fact that her time with us was now limited set off in the family a slow drift of memories and regrets for time lost with her and our other brother Brian who lives in London. We each (the sibblings that is) played over and over in our minds the scenes we shared with her and found them too short and too fleeting. We however, for the first time began not just to appreciate Shelly but really began to appreciate those around her who over the many years kept her happy and kept her warm. Those of you here today are really her true family,while her blood may flow through our veins her spirit and soul truly lies with you all.

Shelley has gone on her journey, the next step in the cycle of the scheme of things that we are all destined to march. But over the last few months we as a family have come to appreciate what she left behind and the friends and loved ones who have been at her side night and day. Diane we are in awe of your devotion and caring and could not ask anymore of anyone with whom a sister would spend her highs and ultimately her very lows. But when William sat with her for a few moments on our recent visit Shelly confided that although one may not be ultimately sure where we all go from here ,she was most concerned that you Di would be well and that life would go on for you. It was also important to her that we continue to remember her as we loved her, as she had been a part of our lives and would continue to be so in the future. She hoped that her memory would be a happy and positive one and that her legacy through the years of giving hope to thousands of poor and distressed people through the world , especially women in challenging situations would be remembered.

We arrived here in January to see Shelley for a few days and those few days would for ever represent her true spirit . Brave in the face of great odds gracious in the acceptance of what she had been dealt and resistant to just calling it a day. Despite the cancer she never complained and insisted on taking us on a tour of Halifax and to Peggy's Cove. William,Tom and I feel humbled by how Shelley and Di rose to meet us and further humbled by the fact that her accelerated downturn started the day we left and ended almost exactly four weeks after that. She had in a great way risen to meet her brothers and sister in blood and was now to rest peacefully away with her sisters in spirit.

My blessings respect and love go out to you all today, Shelley's transition is complete praise be to God. She has no pain now and I am sure she has already began her training for the next Marathon. Goodbye Shelley,we all miss you.

Mom,Janette ,Tom,William and families.

Shelley's Obituary

Rev. Dr. Shelley (Sheila) Elsie Grace Finson

B.A., M.R.E., Dip. Ed., M.S.W., D. Min., Honorary Doctorate, Companion of the Centre for Christian Studies

March 2, 1936 – February 3, 2008

After a six month journey following the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, in the early morning hours of February 3, Shelley yielded her place in the universe. Born in Carlschalton, Surrey, England, Shelley was raised by her great Aunt Thirza. At age six, along with her brother Brian, she became a child evacuee and lived in South Wales for three years. From age thirteen to sixteen, she lived in Jamaica with her father and step-mother. At sixteen she returned to England to work as an office girl. At seventeen, she joined the Air Force and became a radar operator. Two years later she received compassionate discharge in order to keep house for her brother who had contracted tuberculosis. At twenty, Shelley moved to Canada. She studied in the areas of Religion, Social Work and Theology at the University of Toronto (MSW), and Boston College (DMin). In 2001, she was awarded an Honorary Doctorate Degree from United Theological School, McGill University, Montreal. In 2008, she was awarded Companion of the Centre by the Centre of Christian Studies, Winnipeg. In her early years of ministry, she directed the “North Toronto Youth Project” ministering to alienated youth on the streets of Toronto. As her work unfolded, her ministry gradually began to focus on disenfranchised women. For several years, she functioned as Coordinator of the Canadian ecumenical “Movement for Christian Feminism; a movement funded by numerous churches. As faculty member for nine years at the Centre for Christian Studies in Toronto, she taught students preparing for diaconal ministry. In 1985, she joined the faculty of the Atlantic School of Theology in Halifax preparing students for ordained ministry. She retired from A.S.T. in 2001. Shelley’s volunteer ministries included work with “Stepping Stone;” an outreach program for sex trade workers on the streets of Halifax, and “Women’s Employment Outreach.” She provided leadership for countless workshops related to the intersection of women’s lives and theology, as well as leadership for various Conference and National Church Committees. Her deep commitment to social justice affected the lives of those around her – colleagues, students and friends. She took delight in singing, playing guitar, running, learning french, and gardening. She is survived by her partner, Diane Carter Tingley; sisters, Janette Robinson (Gordon), Jamaica, Angela Madill (Ray), Penticton, B.C.; brothers Brian Finson (Barbara), England, Thomas Tavares-Finson (Rose), Jamaica, William Tavares-Finson (Sandy), Jamaica, Ian McGahey (Joanne), Vancouver; step-mother, Hyacinth Finson, Jamaica; several nieces and nephews. She will be missed by Diane’s children, Kevin and Susan Carbyn, and grandchildren, Ashley, Leah, Holly, Rachel and Lucas, whose presence enriched her life. She was predeceased by parents, George Finson and Maud McGahey (Davis), and brother, Tony McGahey. Led by a circle of women, a service to celebrate Shelley’s life will be held at Bedford United Church, Bedford, on Saturday, February 9 at 2 P.M. A private interment will take place at a later date. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in Shelley’s memory to the Centre for Christian Studies, 60 Maryland St., MB, R3G 1K7, or a charity of choice.

1:38 A.M., Februrary 3, 2008

Our hands were clasped round the clock since 8:30 A. M Tuesday morning until Shelley decided to "yield her place in the universe" at 1:38 A.M. last night. Following her death, Marie Claire, Ann, and I prepared her body, complete with shampoo, for a blessing ceremony. Just after sunrise, women friends came to our home for the blessing circle. For those of you who are interested, words shared are copy/pasted below.

When Shelley's obituary is complete, I will post its information on the blog. I am hoping that her service will either be this coming Friday or Saturday but need further conversations with others before that decision can be made.

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Sacred Water Ceremony

We have brought Sacred Water to this very Sacred blessing. This water came to Nancy and I from a ritual with Starhawk and a circle of Halifax women some 20 yrs ago. Starhawk and women from around the world had collected this water from sacred sites and from women’s circles and rituals, much like this one for Shelley this morning.

In the past 20 yrs we have shared this water at many gatherings including the baptism of both our girls which both Shelley and Diane celebrated with us.

Today we call upon the energy of these women and the rituals of days past to be present with us.

As we pass the bowl of water from one to the other, I would invite each of you to touch the water, to add your presence and the presence of any others you wish to be with us today.

As the Sacred Water returns to me, I will touch Shelley with the water that we may be present to her and she to us.

(Marie Claire Chartrand)

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A Blessing for Shelley Finson
February 3, 2008

[With each blessing the part of the body blessed is anointed with oil.]

The Blessing

Shelley, our beloved one, we surround you acknowledging that you have gone forth on the wings of love to face the great mystery of death. We cradle your love in our hearts and in our memories. You will remain a part of us always. We gather here to bless your journey onward and to express our gratitude for what you have given to us by your presence in our lives.

We bless your head, Shelley and the amazing intellect that it held; a mind forever at work – learning French/the ins and outs of computers/the psychological and theological complexities of humanity. Thank you for the ways that you have influenced our lives by your beliefs, attitudes, and values. Thank you for sharing your hopes, dreams and faith. Thank you for that acute mind of yours that could see life with such perception drawing the admiration of so many.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your eyes Shelley. We are grateful for what these eyes have seen that brought you joy and happiness: birds at your feeder; gardens in full bloom; women in touch with their own strength and possibilities; actions of solidarity; moments of justice and peace. We are thankful for the times when these penetrating eyes have seen truth and vision and holiness; and when they have looked upon us with love. May your eyes now behold the face of the Divine smiling in welcome.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your ears Shelley. Thank you for the many times you have listened to us. Thank you for the times you have heard the cries of the women, children and men of the world; for hearing our questions and the challenges of family and friends. May the voice of the Divine speaking your name bring you comfort and peace.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your nose Shelley. Thank you for your nose that delighted in the fragrance of a garden and a cup of tea and also had an incredible ability to sniff out injustices in our world.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your mouth Shelley. We give thanks for your beautiful, distinct, powerful singing voice that crossed the lips of your mouth and for your wonderful smile that melted hearts. We give thanks for your words to us, filled with love, wisdom and humour. We give thanks for your mouth that sometimes surprised us and never hesitated to challenge us with a quick wit and amazing insight.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your hands Shelley. Your hands have been a source of welcome and of help in countless ways. We offer our gratitude for all that these hands have done. We give thanks for your hands that delighted in making jam, playing Mexican train, pulling weeds in a garden; hands that symbolized your deeply held value of connection. May your hands now hold the hand of God.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your feet Shelley. For 32 years, your feet took you running in every province in Canada, in England, the United States, France, South America, the Caribbean and elsewhere. You have stood and walked on your feet since your youth and they have taken you through many of life's ups and downs. Your feet were always willing to “walk the talk” and to stand in hard places. Your feet carried you to and through a rich and deeply meaningful life. May you walk with God in a place of peace and rest.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your womb Shelley; your womb that symbolizes the many times you were midwife. Although you did not give actual physical birth, you guided many women and some men in their own rebirthing processes. We give thanks for the many times you accompanied others with your midwifery skills, your tenderness and your compassion.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We bless your heart Shelley. This heart has pulsed with life. It has given and received love. This heart has contained many emotional bonds with those gathered here. It has given you energy to live. We are grateful for your heart; a heart that was deeply passionate, compassionate, sometimes heavy but always determined to find life in the midst of all things. May your heart now become a part of the beating heart of She who gave you life.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

We now extend our hands over you Shelley, gathering the love in our hearts and extending it to you as fully as possible. May our love and the love of She who created, sustained, and empowered you, surround you and fill you with peace.

Response: You will always be a part of our hearts. Be at peace.

Welcoming, mothering God,

of all love and life,

draw us closer to you and one another.

Embrace us that we might feel the blessing

of your presence,

holding us in steadfast love,

in all time and space.

Let our bodies be soothed and comforted,

through your gentle touch in one another's hand.

Let our spirits be one,

with you and one another,

comforted and at peace. So be it.

(Liturgy from unknown source adapted by Diane for Shelley)

Another transition

Yesterday morning at 8:30, after sharing a demi-tasse cup of tea together and reminiscing about the beginnings of our morning ritual of tea in bed for the past 10 years, in the act of turning her to her side Shelley, slipped instantly into a coma. Many women friends now visit round the clock to stand vigil with me. She is comfortable and still fairly strong thus will probably have a few more days. However, throughout this whole journey she has proven to be unique,(including the way she fell into a coma yesterday morning) and could well have other plans.

I will let you know when she has decided to take her leave. Until then, I will be at her side and away from the blog.

Time with grandchildren

Shelley is still "fully present" with us. Yesterday, she spent a few minutes with each of the five grandchildren. The picture captures a tender moment with Ashley, the oldest grandchild. Shelley has been a "second grannie" to her since the day she was born.

Vigil Time

I am now administering Shelley's drugs with syringes. She did not eat yesterday and only had a few sips of water. Even while so much energy is being consumed to wend her way through these last days, she is still clear headed when awake. She is also mostly free of pain.

The VON now comes morning and late evening to check on her and to help with anything that needs to be done re: getting ready for the day or getting ready for the night.

My/our friend, Marie Claire, told me yesterday that she has taken a week's vacation next week so that either she or her partner can be here round the clock with me. They think that "familiar faces" would be better than having a private nurse come in. Tears still well up whenever I think about this incredible act of compassion and their insistent/persistent/constant love and care around us both. Ann also continues to be present daily. She is often running errands for me and has been a link to health-care equipment stores buying such things as wonderful sheep-skin booties for Shelley that have made such a difference for her sore feet.

A friend recently wrote that "it is as hard staying open to death as it is keeping open to love but they are related to each other aren't they."

In our quiet home filled with loving energy, we are staying open to death and keeping open to love.